Al 8 maanden een mama ❤️

Mama zijn is elke dag een uitdaging.
Ik ben zo trots op mezelf!
Elke dag verder voel ik me terug mezelf maar ook niet.
Ik zeg elke dag tegen mijn man, ik voel me zo anders.
Ik ben mezelf precies niet.

Maar dat had ik ook wel toen ik trouwde.
Een deel van jezelf neem je mee, maar je krijgt een nieuwe rol.
Nu toen ik trouwde was ik ook beetje gedesorienteerd.
Hoe moet ik mij gedragen, wat mag ik nog doen wat niet?
Wat hoort een getrouwde vrouw te doen?
Natuurlijk zijn er geen regels maar je kent dat gevoel wel.
Dan eindelijk had ik door van gewoon mezelf zijn en ja gewoon goed praten/communiceren met mijn man.

Ik heb ook gewoon het karakter te plakken.
Eerst aan mijn man,want we hadden anderhalf jaar een lat relatie dus je wil zoveel mogelijk “inhalen”/ samen doen,
Erna nu met de baby, want ik ben ‘later’ mama geworden. Ik heb alles gedaan wat ik alleen wou doen gedaan dus nu zoveel mogelijk tijd met de baby willen doorbrengen.
Maar ja dat is ook niet goed.
Af en toe tijd voor jezelf is nodig.
En dat mag!
Het was gewoon een gedoe met de borstvoeding.
Super trots dat ik het nog altijd geef natuurlijk.
Maar altijd de schrik van gaat hij genoeg melk hebben en wat als ik een keer niet kolf, verdwijnt mijn melk?
Mijn melk mag absoluut niet verdwijnen want hij heeft het nodig.
Dus ik leg altijd mezelf te veel druk op.
Soms is dat goed e want dan zet ik door.
Maar ik bezorg mezelf ook te veel stress.
Er zijn alternatieven. Het alternatief is wel dure melkpoeder die je moet bestellen en ja nog altijd is borstvoeding het beste.

Ben ook een beetje te borstvoedingspro geworden waardoor ik als ik mama’s flesjes zag geven dacht van waarom? Maar elke mama neemt de beste beslissing die zij vindt voor haar kindje. Soms heb je ook geen keuze, soms is het de levensstijl die het je niet mogelijk maakt, zoals een job waarbij borstvoeding geven moeilijk combineerbaar is. Voor mij is mijn zoon en de borstvoeding het belangrijkste en ik zoek dan wel een job waarbij het mogelijk is.
Godzijdank heb ik die job gevonden!
Terug in het onderwijs, waar ik vroeger al gewerkt had.
Ik ken de school en ik ken de collega’s.
Ik heb de mogelijkheid te kolven.
Ik werk momenteel 3 dagen en we zien wel verder.
Voorlopig is het zo goed.
Zo Heb ik tijd voor mijn zoontje.
Fulltime werken is zwaar zo laat staan met een gezin en huishouden.
Ik moet niet klagen, mijn man helpt echt wel in het huishouden.
Mannen blijven wel mannen, sorry...
Ze zijn harder.
Maar als ik andere mama’s hoor is de mijne een goede!

Het is met ups and downs maar ben toch zo dankbaar dat mijn zoontje er is in ons leveb. Hij is een moedig doorzettend vrolijk manneke.
Hij heeft echt wel al het beste van mijn man en ik in zich.
Alleen kan hij goed boos worden als hij zijn zin niet krijgt hehe!
Ik doe mijn best van ons gezinnetje te genieten.
Natuurlijk zorgen andere stressfactoren ervoor dat het soms niet goed gaat, maar dan is het weer tijd de leven naar je waarden en mindfulness toe te passen.
Laat je niet doen, en zeg nee tegen de negatieve gedachten.

Being a new mother: proud, breastfeeding, marks on body!

While I'm lying between my two boy's who are sleeping I write you!
Being a mother is equal to the word sacriface!
You give everything of yourself to give birth to this new special human being!
Your body and mind go through I have to call it hel in my case!
Than when you're finally happy for many reasons the baby is out, the real struggle begins!
No sleep no sleep!
We really have a great baby who sleeps at night, but the breastfeeding is so exhausting at nigt!
During the day I can handle it! But during the night I had enough! I miss my 8 hours of sleep!
Before being pregnant I was really in a bitchie mood if I hadn't slept for 8 hours straight, now with the hot nights my baby wanted to eat/drink every 2hours at night! I really don't know how I function at day at all!

Than you have the expectations of people around you, because you're so tired, moody and of course hate your postnatal body!
O go exercise or o sleep when the baby sleeps, sleep during the dat
You Are hou still breastfeedig?? You're crazy!
my baby doesn't like formula, o you should gorce him, why? It is not healthy!
In Dutch it is called "kunstvoeding" what means fake food, manufactured food! And no offence for the mothers who don't have a choice and have to feed their babies with it, it is the hardest thing and failure for a mother when she wants to breastfeeed and can't! Thank God formula excusts!
but if your baby likes your milk, people shouldn't judge if it wants no dormula or is cryong hours because of the formula! i will do my best to breastfeed him as long as I can, but I will
not force him on formula If I have enough milk and if he doesn't mikes it!

I really want time for myself, sleep and to exercise!
But not if it harms my baby, if my baby needs me it needs me!
Yes you should take vare for yourself but people should give you other options than give your baby formula than you can sleep exercise...
They should say: you are beautiful as you are, you should enjoy your baby!
You will lose the weight when your body and mind get used to being a mol!
Because being a mom is the hardes but most beautiful job in the world!
It is sacrifizing everything!!!
People should support you and not give you diet advice and exercice advice!

I hate all the tips the older generation gives!
It is nice to listen to good advice but the one giving the advice shouldn't look at you if you think otherwise!
The elder people who have a lot of kids, think they know best, but we live in an other generation!
Everything changes every year and every child is differend and
MOTHERS PLEASE TRUST YOUR INSTINCT
IT IS BIOLOGICALLY PROGRAMMED!
YOU KNOW/FEEL WHAT IS BEST FOR YOUR CHILD!

I'm with my son 24/24 -7/7 and still my mother, husband, others know it all and better, I'm his mother I'm with him the whole time I know!!!!
I know his every cry, every smile, breath! He grow inside if me!
WHY DO I GET SO INSECURE?!
Because you worry as A mother that you will not make a mistake, and because your tited and can't think straight anymore. You hear the crying the most, but sometimes even you get confused and yes tited!
Your husband thinks you're superwoman!
O you should take care of the child and the house, warm meals when he comes from the job!
You take care of everyone, but who takes care of you?????
You would love a hot meal waiting for you after changing zillion dipers day and night!
You don't even have time to eat properly!
I really am lucky my husband and parents help but they have choices
I have to take care of my child even when I'm dick and titeed, bevause his life deprnds on me!
He dies otherwise and that is a scary thougt!
There is no time for being selfish!
So people please give me a break!
I envie the mothers of more children, I'm exhausted of raising one!
Maybe this is the hardest part and it gets easier when he can do things himself!
I love carying for him!
I judt hate the other people judging and being the know it alls!
Leave me alone, help me or get the fuck out of my life!!!!
So for al the mothers out there!
Do your own thing!
Enjoy your baby!
And fuck what the modern world expects of you!
I'm a proud fat breastfeading super Mom!!

Love my big smile face baby Djordje!

O I missed writing!
It felt good sharing this with you!

We're baptizing Djordje soon and Iwill wear the dress that I wannt!
Don't care about my postnatal curves!
I gave birth to a new human being!
And I'm fedin it with my breast what is your superpower?????
I mean isn't it crazy what your body does!!!
And than people judge you with stupid thins!
And the dumbest part I let them even I let myself judge me!
Well no more!
I will not be depressed anymore during this beautiful part of my life!
I got rid of my pelvic instavility, my fysiotherapist traine my muscles so I can enjoy my son, grateful for it! Thank you God for making me a stronger woman, and forgive me for being so sever for myself and my body and for doubting!!!
I will enjoy the walks and everything with my son!
You should too!
You are beautiful you are a superwoman every mark left after the pregnancy on your body is like a tattoo you should be proud of and not trying to get rid of it!!

Big kiss proud mom Deya!

Writing is healing for me!
Writing while breastfeeding how cool is that!!
😍❤️☺️💙

6 jaar samen met de man van mijn leven: ons huwelijk ontrafelt...

Vandaag is een speciale dag!
Het is de dag dat wij beschouwen als het begin van onze relatie.
Wij hadden elkaar al vroeger leren kennen in Kroatië (Fazana) in 2008, maar we herinnerden er ons niet veel van. Het was een korte ontmoeting, in het donker hehe!

Later, leve Facebook, werd ik door Marko via een vriend toegevoegd op Facebook, in augustus 2010.
Na een tijdje chatten besloten we elkaar te zien 16 februari 2011.
Het was echt liefde op het eerste gezicht.
Letterlijk werd ik meteen door Marko gekust, alsof we al jaren een koppel waren.
Dat waren de mooiste 9 dagen van mijn leven toen in mijn geboortestad en tevens lievelingsstad Belgrado!

Nu 6 jaar later, 4,5 jaar getrouwd en bijna een zoontje rijker, als hij uit mij wil komen hehe, zijn we nog steeds stapelverliefd op elkaar, en verliefder dan dan. Elke dag met hem is een geschenk van God, en koester ik en ben ik enorm dankbaar voor! De mooiste jaren van mijn leven!

Ik keek altijd graag naar romantische films en geloofde in de liefde, maar dacht het is niet voor mij weggelegd.
Maar het bestaat, natuurlijk moet je er ook aan werken, en beide ook het willen en hetzelfde voelen.
Soms was het wel dat ik dacht, hmm zijn we eigenlijk voor elkaar?
Want die eerste dagen van onze relatie waren rozengeur en maneschijn.
Het was vakantie, elke dag Belgrado verkennen, ...
Maar dan als je als koppel het echte leven aangaat zoals samenwonen, huren, rekeningen betalen, werken, en ja een huis kopen en nu de nieuwste uitdaging waar ik nog niet genoeg ervaring heb en dus nog niet over kan schrijven is kinderen hebben.

Hoe behoud je die liefde?
Want wij hadden in het begin een LAT relatie. Ik in België, hij in Belgrado, erna Bosnië.
Als wij elkaar zagen, ja dat was elke dag samen zijn, genieten, en erna terug naar ons oude leventjes.
Nu moesten we dat beide combineren.
Je zag elkaar ineens elke dag, en dan kan je elkaar ook verstikken.
Zeker na anderhalf jaar een LAT relatie te hebben, wil je zoveel mogelijk samen zijn.
Je leert je elkaar dan ook pas als koppel.
Mijn ouders waren ook lief om ons in huis te nemen die eerste maanden na ons huwelijk.
Ik kon ook niet geloven, dat ik eerst trouwde en dan samenwoonde dat was niet mijn plan hehe, maar ik wou Marko niet kwijt en hij mij ook niet.
Soms vroeg ik me wel af, waren we echt getrouwd als we eerst hadden samengewoond?

1) ik vind niet dat je moet trouwen om je relatie te bewijzen, maar het is wel mooi ...
2) We hadden elkaar beter leren kennen en soms dachten we van wow, we zijn zo verschillend...

Maar dan na de eerste 2 jaar elke dag samen te  zijn, besloten we eindelijk nog eens op reis te gaan zonder elkaar, en dan beseften we wel van wow KAN  en WIL NIET ZONDER HEM.
De eerste keer dat hij zonder mij naar Bosnië ging naar zijn familie, was ik 3 kg afgevallen van liefdesverdriet omdat ik hem zo hard miste!
Dus het is duidelijk echte liefde!
Ik ben met de man van mijn dromen getrouwd!
Wat ik vooral mooi vind aan Marko is dat hij altijd positief is, hij nooit opgeeft, een echte familieman is en sorry zegt als hij iets verkeerd doet, zijn best doet mij gelukkig te maken zonder zichzelf te verwaarlozen!
Ik hou van onze reisjes samen!
Hij is heel handig!

De belangrijkste elementen voor een geslaagde relatie/huwelijk zijn volgens mij:
-Communicatie: praat over alles wat je stoort en wat je graag wil, je partner kan dat niet "rieken".
-Geef niet op!!! Als de liefde er is, komt de rest ook.
-Het kan niet elke dag rozengeur en maneschijn zijn. Dat is het leven! Je kan niet elke dag gelukkig zijn.
-Gewoon geloven dat je samen  alles aan kan wat jullie pad kruist! En als je de uitdagingen aankunt  als koppel, je er zoveel sterker uitkomt!
-Blijf daten!! Want soms wordt je echt opgeslorpt door de drukte van het leven: werk, extra cursussen, bijscholingen, dus je moet echt tijd voor elkaar inplannen: een cinema, een etentje, een reisje..
Nu natuurlijk als je kindjes krijgt zal dat niet gemakkelijk zijn, maar we gaan proberen dat verder te blijven doen
-Goed opletten wat de andere graag eet/doet en dan elkaar verrassen! Dat is altijd leuk!
Zelfs gewoon ijs kopen of tiramisu hehe! Of nu ik zwanger ben tonijnsla haha!
-En ook dingen zonder elkaar doen, zodat je elkaar mist..met vrienden iets of hobby's niet opgeven...
-Niet alleen in je relatie investeren , maar ook in jezelf, want je wil gelukkig zijn, en dan is je partner automatisch ook gelukkig, als je eigen geluk voor een ander opoffert ben je echt wel depri.
Dit laatste heb ik echt moeten leren...Ja er moeten opofferingen gemaakt worden, maar als alles terug wat beter gaat, kan je terug aan jezelf denken.
-Ik denk dat hetzelfde geldt als kindjes komen, in het begin hebben ze je echt 24/24 nodig zeker als moeder die borstvoeding geeft, maar erna even je man laten babysitten en me-time maken of je familie laten babysitten zodat je als koppel tijd hebt voor elkaar!
=>Het is belangrijk aan zelfzorg te doen!

Dit zijn wat tips...iedereen zijn relatie is anders, en iedereen houdt van andere dingen, dus je moet als koppel zelf uitzoeken wat voor jullie werkt, en niet andere laten moeien...Gewoon je ding doen!
Ik lees graag tips en levensverhalen van andere mensen, en haal eruit wat werkt voor mij en wat niet niet...

Dus aan de liefde van mijn leven!
Van dag 1 wist ik dat jij de man was van mijn leven waarmee ik de rest van mijn leven wou doorbrengen. Met wie ik de uitdagingen van het leven wou aangaan en met wie ik kinderen wou hebben...

Gelukkig 6 jaar samen, en dat we nog vele jaren samen in geluk, veel liefde en goede gezondheid doorbrengen!

Ik hou van je!

Zwanger zijn: de ultieme uitdaging

Zoals jullie wel merkten schrijf ik vooral in het Engels.
Enkele redenen:
-ik heb vrienden van overal, dus Engels is de lingua franca.
-Het is goed voor mijn Engels.
-Bereik je een breder publiek

Toch voelt het comfortabeler om in het Nederlands te schrijven, de taal die ik het meeste gebruik. Oké Servisch gebruik ik ook veel, maar in het Nederlands kan ik me het vlotste uitdrukken.

Ik heb een hele boterham posts over mijn zwangerschap geschreven.

Toch had ik ook zin me in het Nederlands hierover uit te drukken.
Ik heb namelijk een dagboek daar schrijf ik sowieso in het Nederlands.

Ik ben bijna 39 weken zwanger, en de laatste tijd lijkt het alsof ik eeuwig zwanger ben en zal zijn.
Ik ben 28 jaar.

Toen ik 14 jaar oud was, had ik een bucket list ( een lijst wat ik later allemaal wil bereiken in het leven) gemaakt.
Kinderen hebben stond daar wel ergens bij maar het was niet prioriteit.
Het begon met:
-mijn rijbewijs halen
-universiteit afmaken
-zelfstandige vrouw zijn
-een man in Belgrado leren kennen
-in een huis wonen
-veeeel reizen
-trouwen en kinderen nadat ik een stabiele carrière had, maar voor 30 jaar en niet een te oude moeder worden
-een job met veel vakantie om te kunnen reizen, maar niet leerkracht (ahum?)

En erna leeg...
Ergens ondertussen heb ik nieuwe items toegevoegd:
zoals een bloedname doen, daarom verpleegkunde beginnen studeren, nadat ik eigenlijk een job had.
Het was toch een klap in mijn gezicht nadat ik afgestudeerd was.
De job was eigenlijk echt oké, maar ik had en heb steeds te hoge verwachtingen.
Is dit het leven?

Trouwen gebeurde onverwachts, ik had mijn man van Belgrado leren kennen, maar om samen te kunnen zijn moesten we al na anderhalf jaar LAT relatie een grote stap nemen, trouwen!
Maar ik wist, hij is de man met wie ik de rest van mijn leven wil en kan doorbrengen, hij is een familieman die huwelijk serieus neemt en als iets heiligs ziet. Hij is een doorzetter als ik, die niet opgeeft als het even moeilijk is...Zijn droom is eigenlijk het mooiste: vader worden 1 dag.
Natuurlijk had ik hem erop gewezen dat ik op 23 jaar belangen nog niet klaar was voor kinderen.
Ik bedoel hallo ik had mijn master diploma nog niet op zak, ik had geen job, en we moesten bij mijn ouders gaan inwonen...
Maar na een tijdje tuurlijk wel.
Na een tijdje werd 4 huwelijksverjaardagen later.
Het liep allemaal niet zoals je inbeeld.
1 maand bij mijn ouders wonen werd 7 maanden...
Belgische verblijfspapieren krijgen duurden even.
Ettelijke Nederlandse cursussen voor anderstaligen verder.
In een studentenstudio wonen...
En dan ja eindelijk een huis kopen...
We woonden er net een maand toen ik besefte van oké, wat me tegenhield om aan kinderen te beginnen was vooral een degelijke woonst waar je met een baby naar huis kan komen..
Want bij mijn ouders een baby no way
In een studentenstudio waar we echt supergraag woonden, maar er te veel trappen waren en te veel tocht, en badkamer, keuken en wc 3 in 1 waren hmm niet echt :p !
Wij verwende westerse mensen toch!??? In andere landen zijn mensen met een dak boven hun hoofd al blij, en de mensen in sloppenwijken hebben toch ook kids? of mensen die in de natuur leven???

Nujah met onze Westerse standaarden moet je wel een degelijke woonst en inkomst hebben...het bespaart in ieder geval veel stress...

Niet enkel de woonst was een reden zwangerschap uit te stellen..
Ook de angst ineens dat ik moeder werd, en mijn ouders grootouders.
En ja mijn papa werkt in de medische sector.
O hoe ga ik er voor mijn kinderen zijn op medisch vlak?
Dat was echt een luxe thuis.
Papa ik heb hier pijn moet ik naar dokter/ziekenhuis? Maar nee; of ja ik wijs je door ...
Handig!
Dat wou ik ook voor mijn kinderen zijn, dus hello opleiding verpleegkunde!
Natuurlijk iedereen, en wanneer ga je aan kinderen beginnen?
Je hebt al een opleiding, nog 1?
Ben je wel vruchtbaar??

Ohja ik ben vruchtbaar zoals je ziet hehe! 4 maanden nadat we begonnen met proberen, kwam de positieve zwangerschapstest en dan zie je je plannen echt totaal de mist in gaan...

Ik dacht oke duurt zeker 6 tot 12 maand voor ik zwanger geraak, tijd genoeg om een stukje stage af te werken, maar oke als het sneller is "niet erg"...
Bleek achteraf wel erg te zijn, want ik mocht totaal niet beginnen aan stage, en had net gevierd dat ik eindelijk de stap durfde nemen om geen leerkracht meer te zijn.
Leerkracht zijn is een luxejob dat ook onderschat wordt en als leerkracht orthodoxe godsdienst zijn de uren niet altijd beschikbaar jammer genoeg, ...
Zware teleurstelling, maar hej adapteren/accepteren, de kernwoorden in een zwangerschap

We blijven sportief en fit!
Fietsen, wandelen..eerste maanden zwangerschap een hel, omdat je zo moe bent, zoals ik op een site las: klierkoortsmoe!
Dan krijg je nierstuwing (baarmoeder duwt op nier, waardoor urine terugvloeit en je nier opzwelt, wat echt pijn doet damn!) en elk hobbeltje fietsen is een marteling, bye bye fiets voor een tijdje..
Terug alles met bus en veel wandelen, ooh de bus en tram, wat een ervaring zwanger :o ..ohja kben niet gwn fat, kben zwanger, sta op!

Dan zo snel dik worden.. ja max 12 kg bijkomen op de hele zwangerschap, WAAATT??? hahahaha UTOPIE!! Ik was al na 4 maand 12 kg bijgekomen en ik had nog 5 te gaan, en hoeveel ik nu weeg wil je niet weten hahaha, DRAMA DRAMA! Dit was het hardste!!! Had ik ooit complexen over mijn lichaam? Was ik ooit te dik?? OMG Waar zat ik met mijn hoofd, ik zal zo blij zijn als ik iets van de kilo's eraf krijg als ik ooit beval hahaha!

En dat leidt natuurlijk naar bekkeninstabiliteit sinds 27/11..letterlijk 2 weken in bed gelegen van de pijn tussen je benen, ja daar heb je dus je schaambot, en dat kan pijn doen, zoveel pijn dat je er van huilt, en de bevalling heb ik nog niet meegemaakt, dus wat gaat dat geven? haha to be continued...

Dus ik dacht tegen 25/2 rollen ze me in een rolstoel..Maar hej, ik sta hier nog, ik kan trappen doen, ik kan wandelen, oke erna met de nodige pijn, en dat schaambot doet nog meer zeer, het brandt, is dat mogelijk? En sinds vorige maandag draag ik mijn man zijn schoenen, omdat ik nu opgezwollen olifantenpoten heb en de gynaecoloog zei, amaj jij houdt echt veel vocht op!
Ooo tis vocht, niet vet? hahaha! En ohja er zit een baby in, en placenta, enz enz..

Dus woow, deze 9 maand zwanger zijn heeft me meer geleerd over een patient zijn dat 3 jaar verpleegkunde te volgen..wat een zeveraars zijn wij medisch personeel, met onze raad en expertise haha !! Tot je zelf patient bent en beseft, theorie en praktijk, hmm twee verschillende werelden!
Ik heb echt geluk dat mijn gynaecoloog echt geen 1 keer iets zei over mijn gewicht..
Ik vroeg dan zegt u niets? zij o genetica, vocht, ...
Ik denk wauw dank u :D! haha Zij heeft duidelijk genoeg ervaring!
Majah bloeddruk is in orde, urine is in orde, baby is oke, die heeft de lotto gewonnen, vreten a volonte elke dag haha :D!
En het begon allemaal zonder chocolade, en eindigde met all you can eat chocolade..
eerste maanden, dit mag niet, dat mag niet, parasiet hier, bacterie daar, vet hier, vet daar..
Na paar maand heb je zoiets van, och jong FUCK IT hahaha ik word toch dik!
Oke, de mosselen, de garnalen, de prepare en rauwe kazen (dak toch niet lust) heb ik laten vallen, natuurlijk!
Alcohol ook, alhoewel een sipje hier en daar was wel eens nodig om niet een psychiatrische patiënt te worden hehe!
O man ik besefte pas hoe alcholverslaafd ik was..
Er gebeurt iets ambetants in mn leven: alcohol
Ja het was een copingmechanisme, nu zijn chocolade en seks het..
Ja zwanger kan je seksen en het is goed.
Het zou ook de bevalling opwekken, nog niets van gemerkt jammer genoeg! hehe!

En het ergste van al er is geen opgeven, er is geen oke wette fuck alles, kga ffkes cocktails drinken en alles geven in een discotheek..Nee dat gaat niet..
Maar eergisteren hebk gebuikdanst, ook dat wou kleine boy er niet uithelpen, waarom mama? ik zit hier kei goed...lekker in mijn warm badje, met al da lekker eten waarmee je je volpropt en niet ontploft hehe :D geen mensen rondom mij die me willen kussen en knuffelen...living the good life..
En als uw blaas vol is of uw maag, dan stampen we er even tegen e om te laten zien wie vanaf nu de baas is hehe! En er wat vroeger uitkomen? Daar doen we niet aan mee...Ik zal zelfs zien of ik de deadline 25/2 wel haal hahaha!
O man man man!!

En wat is de grootste fout! Mijn verwachtingen!!
Ja zwanger zijn ging zwaar zijn : onafhankelijkheid kwijt, schoenen moeilijke aandoen, ahum das nog t minste van wat er gebeurt! MAAGZUUR das erg! Met honderd kussens moeten slapen, in de zetel moeten slapen op de leuning meer in ruglig...
Altijd iedereen vragen, kan je dat voor me kopen, wil je dat voor me halen..
Ja nergens meer kunnen alleen gaan door pijn of angst!

Maar hej, dit gebeurt niet bij elke zwangere vrouw/elke zwangerschap!
Ik suck er gewoon in hahaha, want wees dankbaar!
Baby is gezond
Ik ben gezond ondanks kwaaltjes, dat zijn ongemakken, geen gezondheidsprobs...
De baby voelen is magisch, ook al stampt die tegen u ribben en kruipt die in uw middenrif waardoor je denkt straks stik ik!

Al de cursussen voor zwangeren waren ook wel leuk (zwemmen, yoga, prenatale, kinesist), maar na een tijd heb je zoiets, omg waar is mijn leven naartoe? Was er een leven voor zwanger zijn? is er een leven na zwanger zijn?
Ja ik ben heel slecht in dingen dat ik moet doen, iets moeten is voor mij jah, nee ik wil niet...
En die hormonen? huilen...
Renovaties, financiele ongemakken!

Geen carrière, geen financiële stabiliteit dat de buurvrouw zei wow renoveren en een kind, ja wij balkanmensen go with the flow, morgen kan er oorlog/einde van de wereld/je dood zijn hahaha!
Leef van vandaag op morgen...Niet mijn stijl, maar hej nu is het DE STIJL om te overleven..
Dag per dag..

Maar zoals ik al honderd keer gehoord hebt: dat klein wondertje is het allemaal waard..
Je moet er wat voor over hebben, om iets moois te hebben.
Wil je een diploma, moet je examens doen!
Wil je een carriére moet je opofferingen doen!
Wil je een baby moet jij je lichaam opofferen!
Leve de man hahaha!
Mijn man heeft zijn portie gekregen: oh niet eerlijk, jij krijgt een kind en moet niks opofferen haha!
Alcohol mag ij blijven drinken, zijn fit lichaam is er nog..
Oke ja extra huishoudelijke taken en een nog meer zagende vrouw waarvan hij elke dag op zijn werk kan aan ontsnappen en ohja: s nachts SLAPEN SLAPEN SLAPEN!
En dat zeggen ze tegen mij o slaap voor de baby er is, sinds 27/11 weet ik al niet meer wat confortabel slapen is!
Bekkenpijn, bij elke draai! Erna maagzuur da me wakker houdt..een stampende baby, maar hej!
Dus HALELUJA dat ik niet op 23 moeder werd!
Maar op 28!

Op dat vlak was ik slim haha!
Leef en geniet!
Maar eerlijk ook dat leventje bereikt zijn houdbaarheidsdatum..
Om je leven spannend te houden heb je nieuwe uitdagingen nodig..
En die zijn niet altijd gemakkelijk!

Huwelijk is ook niet elke dag gemakkelijk, maar het is het allemaal waard, Marko is mijn man voor het leven, mijn liefde, mijn vriend, en zeker nu met de zwangerschap zijn we zo hard naar elkaar gegroeid, hij steunt me door dik en dun haha letterlijk! Ja zonder hem nee dit nooit!
Mijn familie heeft me geholpen, ouders en zussen echt!
Zeker deze laatste weken koken ze voor ons, wat een luxe!

Ja een huis kopen was ook niet gemakkelijk en is het nog steeds niet, renoveren, je hebt twee fulltime job werkende mensen nodig!

Dusjah alles wat je wil, moet je voor vechten in het leven..
Maar jah waarom is zwangerschap dan de ultieme uitdaging voor mij?
Je kan er niet van pauzeren, je hebt momenten dat je zegt pff ik kan niet meer! Maar je kan niet even niet zwanger zijn. Je denkt o even 1 uur dat ik normaal kan slapen, schoenen aandoen en douchen, nee, na de bevalling hopelijk...Ja echt zaken dat je als normaal dagelijks aannam, zijn nu een hel!
Respect voor alle moeders!
Respect voor alle mensen die wegens een ziekte met deze beperkingen leven..
Wantjah er is voor mij hoop dat ik mijn oude lichaam en leven terugkrijg!
Dus echt mensen wees dankbaar!
Dit betekent niet dat je de ultieme uitdaging niet aan moet gaan, want deze zwangerschap heeft me echt down to earth gebracht, en me als persoon zoveel meer verrijkt.
Ik denk dat ik in deze 9 maand meer levenslessen geleerd heb dan in 28 jaar!

Levenslessen als:
-Aanvaard hulp! Mensen helpen je graag!
-Wie je echte vrienden zijn!
-Je bent sterker dan je denkt!
-Je lichaam kan meer aan dan je denkt!
-Je lichaam is een wonder, wauw een heel nieuw leven maken!
-Hallmark movies met happy endings!
-Wow wij leven in een rollercoaster maatschappij, waar iedereen het zo druk heeft, is het het allemaal waard?
Wij leven niet, ons leven wordt ja geleid ..
Echt hoe weinig we rondom ons heen kijken, zoals welke bloemen er in onze tuin groeien, en het park, de dieren..
Ja dingen die we deden als kind, dan hadden we meer tijd en minder zorgen..
Ik denk dat dat het zeker goed maakt om kinderen te hebben, die laten je beseffen dat volwassen worden, SUCKT! Kind zijn was leuker, was je meer aan het leven...
-Carrière hebben toch niks voor mij is..
Natuurlijk werk doen dat ik graag doe.. En heb al allerlei inspiraties opgedaan...

Dusjah, leerrijke ervaring sowieso!

Grateful for being pregnant in the winter...

Today is such a beautiful day in Antwerp.
I had a walk in my garden.
in a few days I will hopefully give birth and then I can enjoy the nice weather with my baby.
The winter is more a stay at home period.
Except during the holidays but still you're most of the times inside.
So I had luck that my "homearrest" started when the weather was bad.
Because with such a beautiful days it is a shame to stay inside.
But when you have pelvic instability during pregnancy it is really hard to do something else then laying on your couch.

I love spring and summer!
Looking forward to our day-trips and citytrips!

Big kisses!

Almost not pregnant anymore...Looking forward to it! It was a interesting and educational ride...

I just read an article online how people love to be pregnant and are even addicted to it...
Respect for those ladies, I'm obviously not one of them.

I look forward to meet our babyboy.
I'm trying everyday to be like wow finally we will meet him.
But it still looks like a dream.
Is there really a baby inside of me?

I can tell you more once I give birth, if I ever give birth haha!
My due date is 25/2 but at the last doctor's appointment, she said it will be here this week...
But nothing has happend yet, okay it is only Monday, but I'm not a very patient person!
I had some abdominal cramps, but I'm a first time mom, so then I think yes it is time, but it stops hehe!

Normally I wanted to post how grateful I really am for this experience!
Because I sound so negative.
I really I'm grateful to learn so much about myself and my body!
But it has been a tough ride!

A list here:

I thought I was fat before I was pregnant:
I now know and realize that I had a nice body, and was starving my body! I had to starve to have that body. That will change, yes I want to be healthy and lose weight, but starve myself no! Rather go to the gym some more times!

I thought I was tough and not a quitter:
If I could I would often given up so far!
I missed the alcohol
I miss my body
I miss my independence
But there is no choice! So now I realize that when you go through the hard times you survive and become an even stronger person. Now I had to keep going on, even when sometimes thought and still think IT IS ENOUGH, get out baby haha! But you just have to go on,  you have no choicee, you just have the accept ACCCEEPPTT is the key!

When you think it can't get any worse it does haha!
Got really fat because my body holds much water
Now I'm 38 weeks and 2 days and wearing my husbands sneakers haha, first I cried,  now it is funny!

I love eating!
I really enjoyed eating what came at my mind, not thinking I'm getting fat, because anyway  I'm.  I tried eating healthy, but was getting fat anyway, so FUCK IT haha eat what you want haha!

Don't always trust your doctor or what the health sites on the internet say, trust nature/God/your body!
Your body knows what it is doing!

I love feeling the baby/kicking!
Even when it hurted, it surprised me how hard you can feel the baby.
I always wondered how did women in the Middle Ages and before knew they were pregnant, now I know the answer, you don't need the ultrasounds, you just know and really feel the baby growing!

I'm grateful for all the family and friends who supported me during this period!

I love how the love for my husband and his for me has grown even more, and that is possible, because I'm already so in love with him from the first time I saw him; I knew then he's the one I want to spend the rest of my life with and have children with. I even said it to him... 💙💖💏

I'm looking forward to write you about birth and motherhood!
We hope the baby comes 16/2 because that is the day we met, and celebrate 6 years of love!

Why we should enjoy life and why do we forget do that...

During the last months of my pregnancy I had a lot of free time because I had to stay at home.
So I should have a lot of time to write, but I wasn't always up to it because of the hormones.
It isn't because you have a lot of time that you also want to write.
I wanted, but then I felt like, no that is not what I want to write...

But today I have inspiration and energy.
I have 2,5 weeks until my due date.
So the last weeks I was just numbing and watching hallmark movies and reading other mommy blogs.
There isn't much that I can do anymore.
Everything for the baby is ready.
I did almost everything I wanted to do before the baby came.
Not only during my pregnancy but all these years.
So when people say enjoy this or do this because when the baby comes you will miss it.
Maybe I will sometimes, but I did everything I wanted to do before getting pregnant.
So I'm ready, really ready!

I wasn't really capable to go walking in the park/city because of my pelvic instability.
But I was courageous and went few times alone with the car to the stores or post office.
Because three weeks ago my husband started going with a colleague to work, two/three days my husband drives them, and two/three days his colleague. So I have two/three days a week the car. So that will sure be nice when the baby comes, because I do not look forward to go by bus or tram with the stroller. It is too expensive to have two cars. Normally I do everything by bike.
But I should buy a new bike, this one is really old and not safe to ride a baby on it!

So what inspired me to write this blog: are the hallmark movies and the other mommy blogs.
One story touched me really: about the baby Hadley, you can read it here.
This little girl was one of a triplet and didn't survive...
So I was thinking, you cary a baby 9 months in your belly, (and pregnancy isn't easy, I find it the toughest thing I did so far and I haven't given birth yet) and then she dies a few days after birth.
Than I panic of course.
I'm not good with death.
Only of old people that die, but they lived their life (I hope they did, because some people don't live they life as they want to), that is also sad, but that young people die, why?

There was one year, I think 2013 when a lot of people I knew died.
A aunt from cancer (57 years old)
A friend of my mother suddenly without being sick (55 years old)
A pregnant friend from a cerebral hemorrhage (30 years old)
A friend's husband from an squad accident (young maybe 28 years old)
My grandmother
My grandfather
My husband lost his father in 2011

And now I read how a baby dies.
Then I saw a movie how a mom dies while giving birth.
Than in all the hallmark movies, the husband loses his wive, or the wive loses her husband.
They have happy endings, but it hurts that so many people lose the people they love, and not only in the movies, but in reality and some of them I knew.

So when I have an argument with my husband, parents, I always think why? That is such a waste of time, but sometimes arguments help you communicate better and live a better life together, but sometimes they really don't...
And in that story of the baby who dies, the mother says: 'I started living life day by day and realized what is important and what not.'
But it is too bad that something like that has to happen for a person to realize that.
You should also learn from other people's stories.

The aunt that died, never got married nor had children, because she stayed with the wrong man. She was so looking forward to get her pension, because she lost her job because of a crisis, and she died before that happend. Some bad people took her house and everything.
My heart was really broken. Why are people so bad? Why didn't she left the man?

All this stories are so painful.
So sometimes I think, maybe it is safe to stay alone?
But that is not living life.
I'm scared to lose everyone ...
I try my best to enjoy with everyone who I love...
I hate it when I argue with my father or mother because my husband his father isn't here.
My mother lost her mother.

Especially if you live far away from your parents.
Like my mother lived far away from her mother (2000km).
And my husband lost his father, and then 2 years later he moved with me to Belgium far from his mother who lives in Bosnia (2000km far). He didn't see her 10 months for our love, because we waited for him to get a Belgian resident permit, so he could travel freely and come back.
I felt/feel guilty a lot of times, but I really thought he wouldn't move with me here.. But I'm glad he did!
I really try but sometimes even I forget how hard his decision must have been...
But I would stayed for him in Belgrade, just not in Bosnia, because there isn't a lot of job opportunity like in Belgium. People, among which his sisters left the village to search work in the city.

But now when I see that you can work from home, from the internet, maybe someday we will move to Bosnia, because the nature is there beautiful and ecotourism is now very popular, so who knows? That I also learned from the hallmark movies, how city people use their talent and stay for love in the little villages. So beautiful, I love it. But when we got married I was 23, just finishing university, still had to finish my master thesis, so I didn't saw that you can earn your money from everywhere if you have the right job.
The blogs and movies inspired me... so who knows maybe one day?

It also doesn't mean that the other people should blame you that you didn't lose the ones you love.
Sometimes I felt guilty to go to my parents who live a few streets away.
But even though they are close I don't go a lot to them.
Because of work and everybody has his busy schedule.
Also since I got married, and even before my parents want the best for me, but sometimes it feels like interfering. So sometimes I'm not up to it, to argue with them that we want to do it our way.

I think now the baby is coming, they realize okay our girl is big now, grown up.
But your child will always stay your child, probably now that I'm becoming a mom I will realize it better.
And I'm realizing too that I'm not their little girl anymore.
It wasn't easy becoming a wife so soon, you're still between two worlds...It is a growing proces.
I'm also scared sometimes.
Because my parents are becoming grandparents and I'm becoming a mom.
And we are all getting old and are going to die one day.
And that thought hurts me.
I shouldn't think that way, and if there is a heaven we will see each other again...
But still life is so hard!

People survive so much, but it really hurts...
But what I want to tell with this post, don't wait that something bad happens in your life to realize that we can be here today and tomorrow not.
Enjoy life, do what you like.
Do the job you like, spend the time with the people you love, because life is short...
And learn from other stories...

I also forget sometimes...but with my husband I don't forget, he knows it is important to me that we spent a lot of time together and travel and enjoy life, sometimes I stress too much because of money..
This two years were a bit hard, because buying and renovating a house isn't cheap. But we will survive, our health and love is more important!

I would love to spent more time with my sisters and parents too..
But we don't live under the same roof anymore, but we spent as much time as we can.
But sometimes some people are stubborn, it has to come from two ways, but you can say it to them: 'this argument isn't worth our short time here on earth!'

Now I'm so confused that I even don't know what I want with my life.
I wanted to be a career woman, wife and mom.
But is too heard to combine everything and the question is, is it worth it?
I'm not going to do a job I don't love, but my husband, child and family are more important to me...
Especially now.
Normally I had energy to help everybody, but now I'm like now it is me and family time...
I want to enjoy the baby...
So I don't like when people ask me what I'm going to do from september..
I don't want to think so far.
As the mommy in the blog said: " think and live day by day: that is hard enough.."
And that is what you should, live today..tomorrow you will see..
That is also Mindfulness...

Now I'm living for the moment to finally hold this little baby in my hands, to feel what all the mothers describe, that being pregnant is worth it..
Because this last weeks, brings new discomforts, whenever I think this is it, it can't get any "worse" : my feet got swollen, I can't put on my shoes and it is winter so you can't walk in your flip flops, then my knees hurt while I sleep, so weird! And heartburns, and I'm still getting fat...
But enjoy life hehe! Be thankful for every day..Especially spending with the ones I love, including this little baby in my belly!

So I'm really sad for the people who lost their loved ones.
But they all said "it is better to experience that kind of love in your life, even if it is brief than never to had them in your life..."

So I'm really thankful that I still have all the people I love in my life that is a real treasure! You should cherish it also as I do...

(except of the aunt, I really miss her, but I remember her, and I'm thankful she was a part in my life, and she learned me so much...)

When reality hits you: How I'm experiencing my pregnancy: part two

Part one was a long post and isn't finished yet so I decided to divide it in three posts..
Part one= the decision to get pregnant and the first trimester
Part two= the second trimester
Part three= the third trimester..

So we came back from vacation..
Some stuff had to be done..

August - September 2016
We came home.
Marko had to work.
I had still vacation.

Internship
Normally I had to start my internship 19/8/2016
I had to go to the doctor of the school, to get a check up If I could do my internship.
I had to start on pediatrics.
My gynecologist said It probably would be okay!
The doctor of the school decided otherwise. 
He said it is forbidden because of Cytomegalovirus (CMV). Little children can pass it on and it is dangerous for pregnant woman, for their foetus. I was immune, but anyway it could come back. So I was very disappointed but hopefull that I would get an other department.
I thought I could do my first semester of internship in nursing, that was until the end of December 2016, and in January 2017 I would be free, end of February 2016 I would give birth, and than be home with the baby, and in September 2017 I would start my last semester of internship in nursing, so I would just postpone my studied one semester...
That was a good agreement with myself.
Because first I wanted to finish the internship and get pregnant afterwards as I told in my previous posts, but when your biological clock starts waking up...I had postponed it already for too long...There would always be a reason to postpone pregnancy for people like me...

No internship for me
So I went to talk to my mentor of the nursing school, bad news, you can only do your internship until you're 24 weeks pregnant, I was already 12 at the time. He couldn't find in time an other department because we are obliged to do 16 weeks of internship in a row, you couldn't split it. I also didn't tell the school earlier because I was scared of miscarriage due the bleedings I had. And they say when you pass the three months you're safe. So I waited to tell them..
I WAS FURIOUS DISSAPOINTED A REAL EXPECTATION HANGOVER! I recommend the book! Because that is what happend to me, I assumed something, but things don't always go the way you want, and now when I'm 35 weeks, I almost forgot about it, but I see now it is for the best...
I was very tired and gained wait fast, and I didn't know If I could handle the stress and the speed of an internship.
It isn't the same as working, you really have to do your best and to prove yourself, so I calmed myself and told myself it is for the best..Poor baby, but I told myself whatever happens in my life I will not blame the baby! It was my own choice. Sometimes I say to my husband, it is all because of you, but that is not true, sometimes it just feels good to blame someone else, but it is my own decision  I could gotten pregnant faster, you never know..So I accepted..and went searching for a job, because what am I going to do? I can't stay home for the whole pregnancy...

First exams and search for daycare and work
As you remember I had still two exams to pass for nursing school and 3 examens for my study orthodox theology...
So while being disappointed I was also studying and searching for a daycare for the baby, because you can't start soon enough. I already had sent mails in July before we went on vacation, and made appointments for after the vacation, but the place we went first to had no room. I searched for september of 2017, so more as a year in advance, and still they were occupied. We live in Antwerp, a busy city, with a lot of working parents, and not a lot of room in the daycare. But the one who seeks will find. So I found one...It looks nice, two sisters and their sister-in-law run it. Their children went or are still going there as well. And when I went to see it with my sister, because the tour they give is during the hours my husband works, the children were really enjoying themselves and I ran into a on old friend, and her second child was already going their, so okay...! Everything was perfect, except for Friday's they work untill 17.00 and other days untill 18.00 and that could be a problem a few Friday's a month, because my husband can't make it on time to pick the baby up. So we tried at a third childcare, from the city Antwerp, because the others are private childcares. But they work with the same system. They calculate how much your husband and you earn and than on the basis of that calculation they know how much your daily price will going to be. The city day care had no room at all, then we tried a fourth one because of that Friday and they had room from december 2017 that wasn't an option either. 

Parental leave
So for every problem is a solution, and in Belgium there is the opportunity for man and woman to take four months of parental leave, the mother has 15 weeks of maternity leave plus 4 months of parental leave, the latter you can use until your child turns 12. You don't have to take it immediately. So my husband could take every Friday off during 2 years. 
You can choose three options, 
1)you take the four months at once or you split them up, but you have to take a month in a row, you can't say today I'll take a day of or two weeks, no it has to be a period of a month minimum and maximum 4 months
2) you can choose to work part time, minimum during periods of 2 months, maximum during 8 months. So until your child turns 12 you can work parttime in periods..
3) you can choose to work 4/5, so one day a week off, during almost 2 years, you can also split them up in period of 5 months..
My husband probably will choose the latter if I start my internship in september 2017. He would do this during 5 months or 10 months, it depends financially, because I'll maybe do the first 16 weeks of internship from september 2017 until december 2017, and than work for 6 months, and than the last semester from september 2018 until december 2018, but what I have learned during this pregnancy you can't plan, you just go with the flow day by day!
Because an other disappointment came along and that is why we had to change plans, is that the organization who would help us nursing students financially decided to stop with that from January 2017. So for those who started in september 2017, they would support them, but for those who started in 2017, not anymore. And financial support ment pay the tuition, daycare, uniform, books... That would mean a lot. Because I wouldn't have a pay or scholarship, but because I always have a temporary contract in education, when it ends I get unemployment benefits, and that stays for a year the same, but you have to prove you're studying or searching for work, so it would be the same amount during my studies. But now with a baby and daycare to pay, and no help from that organization I don't know if it will be enough to pay all or expenses.
Because afterwards I was happy I could go back to work from 3 of October until 4 of January, because your paycheck is much more than a unemployment benefit. Because we had to renovate, and buy all the babystuff, so with a unemployment benefit it wouldn't be enough.

Nursing exams
The exams of nursing didn't went well, I was like OH MY GOD I'm always studying, I studied on our honeymoon, I studied while married, while pregnant,...a studyholic! One exam I really hoped to pass, but it was multiple-choice and I suck at it. The other was oral exam. They weren't so friendly, and were surprised I didn't annul the exam. Because we had the option, to annul 3 exams during the whole study, I already annulled 2 exams in the first year, in the second year I passed all, and in the third year I hoped also to do that, but too bud I still had two exams, I could only annul one, so I said, I will try both, you never know, and then I still didn't pass both, I thought it was because of my pregnancy brain, but my 4 friends who had to do the same exams, didn't pass as well, they were just to severe, they had enough points to annul them both, I didn't...I decided to annul the oral exam, because the professor was a real pain in the ass, and It wasn't worth the stress pregnant, I really hoped it didn't harm the baby, but luckily it didn't. I could do the one multiple-exam in Januari 2017 again, but I decided to not do that, I didn't want the stress one month before I gave birth, and it was as if I know I wouldn't be able to that, because with my pelvic instability I can't sit long. And also I really liked to enjoy the holiday's without studying. And if I didn't pass I had to do it again in August 2017, and we went to baptize the baby than in Bosnia, and we also have a wedding in September 2017, so I said, I will do that exam in Januari 2018 while I'm doing my internship, than I'm back in the game!

Theology exams
The three exams of theology I passed with excellent results, I remember the subject matter better, also because I'm already a orthodox theology teacher 4 years, the most themes I gave my students. One exam was difficult, but I passed it excellent anyway, so proud and happy I was!
I still had 2 exams of theology to pass the first semester and one the second semester while being a mom, two in November normally and one in May. I decided to do them while pregnant and being a mom, because I learned them easier, they weren't so stressful for me, because they were about God, and the professors are really nice to you on the exams, so you stay calm. But because of the Pelvic Instability, I couldn't go do the exams in November. I wrote the paper, I still have to defend it orally. One I passed because It required your presence but because I had a medical certificate I was legitimately absent. I got the audio and course book at home and read it myself.
So I will do exams as a mother also hehe! In May!

September I was at home, I really enjoyed that month of pregnancy! 
I got my energy back. I went to see friend I didn't see in a long time. I rode my bike, it was so beautiful and hot weather. I went for walks/easy runs. I enjoyed it really.
My birthday is 15th of September, that day I'm always happy.
We had friends over.
We went with my parents, sisters and niece to a restaurant, because my father his birthday is also that day. I'm his present from my birth...
We had a photoshoot and announced the pregnancy on Facebook. 
I loved september of my pregnancy!
I accepted everything.
And also found a job, because when I went to do the exams theology, a colleague had to give birth in October, so she asked me if I would do her hours while she was on maternity leave, she gave birth two weeks early.
I was so happy, almost a fulltime, and we could really use the money and I time would pass faster, and I would be useful.
So that was settled too.
I started with the pregnancy swimming and pregnancy yoga.
It was a nice start of things!

First I was disappointed to work again as an orthodox theology teacher, and that in primary school, I prefer to work in secondary school. But I learned to accept and realized that everything happens for a reason. I learned a lot from this experience. When one doors closes the other opens...

September I love you!

Too be continued in the third part...

When life happens to you: how I'm experiencing pregnancy: part one...

25 February 2017
I can't believe I haven't wrote from 24 February 2016. And the funny part we're expecting our baby 25 February 2017.
I had a lot of moments I have to write my blog, but I'm in really weird mood swings so I didn't want to bother you with them. Because expecting a baby people expect you to walk on clouds. I did even expected It form people. Like why are they acting like that, that is the best thing happening to them! I'm not going to be like that. And then you start feeling the changes in your life. Not only in your life, but in your body, mind and soul.

Nursing internship april 2016
As I see I wrote that nursing school was a failure in january, wel thank God everything went great after that. My internship was great! It was a very difficult department: psychogeriatrics. But it was a big challenge, and I learned so much as a nurse and as a human being. You should really enjoy life with the people you love, because when you get old, you can forget everything or people can forget you when they get old. That really hurts some people. So Carpe diem, because you never know what tomorrow brings...

Norway May 2016
We really enjoyed it! Oslo and Frederikstad. You should go there for the nature. Only alcohol is really expensive, the other stuff you can really find for OK prices. People look there very relaxed 😊! Everything goes very relaxed, not such a hurry as in other cities. 

Exams June 2016
My exams in June were great, I passed them all! So I was really happy about it!
I had 2 examens to do in august. So that was OKAY! 

Very tired= PREGNANT 25 June 2016!
After the exams I felt so tired! I thought it was because of the very busy, difficult year! Buying a house, losing some hours of work (I found extra hours in april 2016 so It was okay again!), the internship, the exams, very exhausting things and work. Marko and I decided end of January 2016 to try for kids. After two sessions of mindfulness/act the mentor said how she was doubting to have kids and now has three. 
And I felt it what she was feeling. 
In the course were especially women, and you had women with careers and without kids/partner, so busy with their career that they forgot their private life. And then there were women with careers and kids, it wasn't easy, but they looked happier. Exhausted but happy/fulfilling. 

Because I read online: people who care for someone (child, partner, parents...) have a more fulfilling life than people who are alone, because they are just satisfying their needs. The latter are happier but they have to fulfill their needs all the time to stay happy. People who have to care for others are not always happy, because they don't have time to fulfill al their needs, but they have more reasons to live for. Because sometimes I know that I said what is the meaning of life? And yes you can go see the whole world, and buy all the stuff, but once you done it, it is over. But then I realized the time I spent with my sisters, husband, parents is everything to me, those memories are worth more than anything! 
I love to travel, but it is more beautiful with those people by my side.

So back to the why did I decide to get pregnant?
Well I always wanted to have children, but never to be pregnant, impossible of course, only if you adopt, but to adopt is not that easy! You almost have to be rich to adopt! But I also was curious how will my baby with Marko look like?
And then my OB told me I had a cyst on the ovary in May 2015, in September 2015 it was still there. She said if it grows or doesn't go away, we will have to remove it, and maybe remove an ovary! I was like WHAAAT, cry cry, I will never have kids, omg! Why did I wait so long? PANIC of course!! But it could also go away on its own... Then I was like no don't panic, and we start buying our house, no time to think about it. And about December 26 2015 we moved in the house, and I was like, wow so much space, so much rooms, it is empty? O but first I will have to finish nursing school... Then I started the mindfulness course..Why wait? I was 27, you don't get pregnant immediately  and my father who works in the medical sector told me If you get pregnant the cyst will surely disappear. Did my father wanted to become a grandfather or was he for real? And than Marko said, I fulfilled all your wishes, because we are already 4 years married and 5 years together almost 6. And he wanted already for a while to become a father. 
But when we first got married and he came to Belgium with me in september 2012 I told him we'll have children when:

1)You have learned Dutch well, because I can't stand that children have to translate for their parents. My parents went to school to learn Dutch. I don't have the time, to be a mom, a wife and your translator.

2) You find work.

3)We buy a home

1)And then of course in january 2016, what know? I fulfilled all your wishes. He went four years 2 evenings a week to Dutch school for foreign language speakers. He earned his diploma's. One course is left and with that course he could do a bachelor. But he was tired, what I can believe. He works 40 hours a week, and goes 6hours a week to language course. He almost missed none, only if he got sick, for the renovations some days, and when his family came to visit. He always went! I'm so proud of him. Now he speaks, like he is his whole life here. Some friends of my parents are here like we 24 years, and can't speak, and he is here 4 years and everybody is so surprised when he speaks. They gave him applauses several times!

2) He already has two years a permanent employment contract, I still don't have that, but working in the education sector as a religion teacher is very hard to get a permanent contract. So very proud of him!

3) We bought our home!

Than I panicked as I always do, what now?
The cyst, he fulfilled my wishes, what about nursing school?
I also always wanted to become a mom before 30.

The bucket list! When I was 14 years old I wrote a diary, I wrote longtime diaries, but then it was serious 😂! I loved to daydream then! Then I made my bucket list!
I wanted to finish university.
I wanted to learn Cyrillic.
I wanted to get a driver license.
I wanted to travel a lot.
I wanted to go live for a year in Belgrado or longer.
I wanted there to meet the man of my dreams.
At 24-25 I wanted to get married with that man.
We should have to live first together and then get married (that didn't really went as planned, but we were 1,5 years together before we got married).
We should be about 5 years together before we got married and have children, the married part went faster, the having children went as planned!
So at 28-29 I should become a mom. 
Of course when I met Marko I asked if he wanted to have children hehe!
Of course he did.
And then when I was 27, I was like, I don't know am I ready?
I really know when I finished my university degree I was not. Something was missing, that was the medical knowledge! So I finished all the theory and two internships. I really wanted to take blood, so I did.  I still have to do 32 weeks of internship, but that is as working. So I was like okay, the things I wanted to learn about medicine I did, and I took some blood 😜, and some people don't get pregnant in months/years. So maybe I will not immediately. 

And then the adventure began, first I was disappointed that it didn't went that fast, because I was always scared to get pregnant. I was more disappointed because everywhere you learn, hear and read to have safe sex, you will get pregnant, but It isn't that easy. But still you should have safe sex! I was like, when you don't want it, it happens, when you want it, it doesn't, because a lot of couples have problems. But I think it is also the expectation, and big stress they put on their selfs. I was okay with it if it came immediately or if it came after I finished my nursing internship
It went fast enough, after two/three months I was pregnant, that is fast, normally it takes 6 until 12 months. 

25 June 2016
So 25 June 2016 we decided to take the pregnancy test. Because I was late with my period 3 day's (actually six, because when I stopped with the contraception pills I had my period every 30 day's and not 28 as I was used to, so the first month I took a test, but it was false alarm, now we were also like should we take the test or not, but something felt different and my boobs hurt and I was so tired.) It says your first pee in the morning should be the one you test on. Of course the people who know me I pee a lot 😜. I had an infection when I was about 18 years old, never knew it. Than my blather shrunk because of it. So I had to train it. Also had some medication, it was fixed, but still my mind thinks it has to pee all the time. So at 3 in the morning, I was like, first pee? Marko was like noo, sleep..I was like I'm doing it, so come with me or wait in bed. He was like okay! So we went to the toilet, I peed in a cup, because I would guarantee pee on my hand. I'm not so handy. And then put the test in the cup, and it normally takes 3 minutes. Marko thought Okay I'll have a pee to, but I didn't notice that I was just watching the test. And when I did the test first time in february we waited long for nothing. Now it was just few seconds and there it was positive, I'AM PREGNANT! Markooo, I was like he? He was their peeing, congratulations honey. What a weird situation haha! I was like heuh I didn't see you were peeing haha! So very romantic.
And Marko fell a sleep, and I was like, OH MY GOD I really decided to get pregnant, fat, dependent and to raise a child? But I don't know what I want with my life? I have no permanent job contract, our house is not renovated yet, why do I always have to be so impulsive? How will we pay, raise this child? PANIC PANIC PANIC,.. and then Omg what is the baby going to look like, O I will travel with the baby, and Marko NOTHING haha, he fell a sleep, I didn't sleep that night!

The next day The next day we had planned a bbq with friends we didn't see a while and to celebrate the good exams. We decided to tell nobody, because I wanted the doctor to take blood, to be sure, because it was a cheap test. The previous time we bought a expensive and a cheap one, both negative, I didn't want to "throw" any money away again. But Marko was so happy, because when I asked him over and over, what he dreamed of when he was little? He said "to become a father and have a family." Not the usual to travel, or to have that or that job, no just the perfect thing ever become a father, husband! That is why I love him. He is happy with the things we call little, but are the big things.
A fancy job, house, car, travel, .. is not the big thing, raising kids and taking care for a family is!!
I knew I could depend on him!
So that day I was totally not their with my mind. I went to the hairdresser, I had a appointment, she cut to much hair of, I wanted to be long, for the pregnancy pictures also, but I was so distracted, but everybody liked it. I wasn't drinking cola zero, wine (bambus the mix my favorite) or rakija, or alcohol, I was just drinking water, saying I had a head ache and drunk something for pain, but I did had a headache because I didn't sleep.
Marko was getting drunk and singing, everybody was like, wow never seen him as that, but I just was like, he missed his friends, but I knew why. I was jealous, because longer than a year I will not be aloud to drink 😔, not that I'm a alcoholic, but when people say to me you can't have that, do that, I just want it more, you know! But I had a baby to think of, and I wanted a smart baby and alcohol can damage the brains, and my brains are okay, but of Marko hehe just joking. So NO ALCOHOL..NO COLA caffeine is not good. The first weeks I ate very healthy! So we survived the bbq nobody noticed anything. Marko was playing with the children of friends. They were like he is going to be a good father, I was like I know and that will be sooner than you think!

The first trimester
So I went to the doctor, he confirmed I was pregnant. I made an appointment at the OB. It was very late, in august somewhere. After our vacation I think.
Than we decided the next weekend to tell the family, his family over skype, my family we invited for a bbq. But it wasn't that easy do to it at ones, so who we are going to tell first?
Their was already the first problem hehe, my family, no my family, ok we had to tell first his family, because his sisters were visiting his mother, they don't live anymore with her but in a city next to Belgrado. So we thought everybody's coming on skype. But the younger sister and brother were out with friends. The mother was feeding the sheep and cow. Only the older sister was on skype. So we talked about everything, except the pregnancy. I was whispering, what now? He was like wait for my mother. The rest will hear it from them. I was like okay hehe! Then the mother came, we told them. She was crying of course. The sister said, you see mother you're going to be a grandmother after all, from the day we married she was hoping and hoping. She has blood pressure problems, but is taking her medication. The doctor said to her, you're not going to die yet, you first have to be a grandmother, but she was like, my children aren't having any hehe, but now we do. 

Than my parents, they are special too. My sisters decided last minute to go shopping, my parents came early, but I was like waiting for the whole family. My mother is a good person, but with a hard past and a lot of times she can burst in anger for stupid reasons, because she is always trying to do good, but you don't always are appreciated for it. So stop expecting that, just do good because you want too, not because you expect something.
And Marko was sick of it, because they always want to "help" us but they mean that we have to do things as they want to, and if we don't want to, they get mad. Because I say thank you for your advise as I learned at act, but we're going to do it that way, and then they are, yes if you think that is smart, but you're stupid.. parents! So that was that moment, and Marko didn't held back, so my mother said I'm going home, and my father said me too, and they left, and I was like woow what happened? OO WINE WHERE ARE YOU! And I said to Marko couldn't you just keep your mouth, but it was my parents fault, but you can't change them, accept them or don't. They are good people, but you know different backgrounds, different generation. So that plan went wrong to. My sisters weren't aloud to come. I had a surprise note for them with a picture super grandmother and grandfather, best aunties..
I was like okay... So I send a SMS message to my sister, well too bad this went like this, but surprise you're going to be aunties and grandparents. I hated that I had to do it by text, but hey whatever..Than my sister didn't answer, apparently she was crying because she was so happy, and my father panicked, and than he just acted cool..
My sisters sneaked to us, and were so happy.
Few day's later I saw my parents.
Afterwards my father was like don't call me father anymore, call me grandfather, I was like okay hehe!
But then again saying something about Marko, and I WAS TIRED AND PREGNANT.
And I had to stop being daddy's little girl. It was so hard for me to let go. Because you are so used to to do what your parents say, they have the experience, they know.
And I already said, I did things my way, but still I listened sometimes to my parents.
But now it had to stop!
I was becoming a mom, Marko is the father of my child.
I said father enough, if you have a problem with Marko, go tell him. I'm not listening anymore, I'm a mother to be, he's the father, I love him, I don't have the problems with him you two have. If you don't like him that is your problem. I'm not his mother, I can't fix him, I can't fix you, I love you both, but I'm not going to chose or take a party. I talk with my husband and we sort our problems, you should do the same with him, or not, but stop talking about him to me. 
And I left!
My mother loves to talk about her problems too, same old problems over and over.
I was tired tired, so I said to them, tell nice things, or I'm just not coming anymore.
I want to be a happy pregnant lady.
So I took some distance, and they listened. 

Bleeding
It was summer. So one moment I had a bleeding. I was like O no, we're losing the baby. I was so scared, because if we lost the baby, I can't do this. So I called Marko he came from work we went to the OB, the baby = ninja turtle I called it, was okay, it was so small and weird, not looking human at all! We saw our baby! But If I bleed again I can come. So I bleed again and went with a friend and her daughter 7 years old again, I didn't want to traumatize the child, so she stood next to me, when they putted the thing inside, (echo) because the baby was too small for on the belly. We heard the heart beat the first time so nice! O the girl was also, I'm going to tell Marko I heard it first. So the bleeding was just the baby and placenta and uterus making place and hitting some little veins. Nothing to worry about, but still. I was tired a lot. The OB told of course you can eat chocolate, because I wasn't eating chocolate. There were restricitions what to eat and what not. But chocolate was okay, and until know I'm addicted. No cola zero, no alcohol, but I need an alternative addiction hehe!

Vacation
We went on vacation. O I was so tired and without cafeïne it was hard to drive. The trip to Croatia, I did it without the cafeïne, the trip back I drank cold cappuccino, so nice hehe! Than I drove 4 hours continuously.
Our stops:
a small town not for from Münchin ( to rest, so nice hotel)
Fazana ( Croatia): we stayed with my parents at my grandparents house, it was really nice! It was a challenge for me, because it has been a while since we stayed with my parents, but it worked! We had our own key, so nice! Swimming in the sea felt nice, but because of the pregnancy I had to pee a lot, and had to change bikini's all the time, because I had a special one, because my breasts were immediateli huge! (I will post pictures another time hehe). Our friends from Slovenia came we had a great time...
Belgrade ( Serbia) my birth city (hot hot hot there), we stayed at Marko's sisters, ..but it was too hot there for everyone! And a lot of mosquitos..My friends from Slovenia who we saw in Croatia were also there, was so nice to hang out with them..
My cravings started there, so I ate every night about 3 at the morning, and I ate so much pancakes haha! But I couldn't eat big meals, but I ate very two hours something!
In the restaurants people thought I didn't like the food, but then I said sorry I'm pregnant and they were like O no problem we will wrap it to go 😂! Eventually I started ordering child menu hehe!
Sabac (Serbia) We visited my mothers niece and aunt, I hadn't seen them in 8 years or so, I can't believe it, I went so many times to Belgrado and it is an hour drive from them, and we never went there, we hadn't time, or they hadn't time, because the aunt is very old, live 85 years, so..but it was really nice, they were so happy to see us! You should make time for family, but it is not that easy when they live so far!
Rudo (Bosnia, close to the border with Serbia), Marko's birth city..There I enjoyed it the most, because it was so serene, the nature, in the evenings it was cold enough to sleep..
It was nice, my mother in law spoiled me hehe! I enjoyed it!
I forgot to mention the worst ride ever from Sabac to Rudo a lot of road curves, hey that is Bosnia's nature, pretty but for a pregnant lady, even not pregnant people get car sick, I tried to drive myself that didn't help, the only that helped, was eating to whole 6hours hahaha no wonder I got fat 😂 !! How much I ate! Arriving was nice, because the brother and the whole neighbourhoud was so happy and waiting for us, and there was a bbq but also because it was the birthday of the brother, but I had some bleedings, it was probably because ot the drive and heat, I was like NO WAY I'm going to the hospital here haha FOBIA..The doctors are good, but the hospitals are from the communist period, scary like horor movies, you find blood on the toilets, more about this in an other post! BUT WE SURVIVED AND HAD A NICE TIME hehe!
Trebinje (Bosnia, close to the border with Croatia) I loved Trebinje, such a beautiful city, I recommend it al!! A good friend of my moms who lives in Belgium but is from Dubrovnik has a apartment there and we were welcome to stay there, was so nice! I loved it! Such a romantic city with a nice history! My father says the most beautiful city in Bosnia! It was really hot in Dalmatia, but Trebinje is nice..But it is the south so I think april, may or september is better for sightseeing..we saw a beautiful church, monastery, o so nice! We will go back!
Dubrovnik (Croatia, the sea coast, Dalmatia)because of the heat and my pregnancy we didn't get the chance to see the old city regrettably , because it was long walking, and it was almost 40 degrees, so too hot for me, and I was in the first trimester, so feeling mononucleosis tired! But we will go back for sure! Because the game of thrones are filmed there and I love that show hehe! So we went swimming, the water was so nice, we enjoyed it! It has been 10 days from Fazana, so swimming again on the way home was nice!
Baska voda (Croatia, the sea Coast, Dalmatia): Then we went to friends who also live in Belgium but his parents have apartments there, so who's interested can rent there...we went for one night to visit.. it is really nice, but also so much hotter than in Fazana, Fazana has more shadow and is also in the north of Croatia (Istra) , Dalmatia is really south! You can swim there in june and september, so for the people who like their temperatures a bit lower! We swam the next day and had it really nice! So nice people!
Mikulov ( Czech republic) we were invited to a wedding their of my friend who studies with me in Ghent. She was also at my wedding, so we couldn't miss that! It was so beautiful and the hotel was 4 stars, after a drive of 11 hours we really enjoyed it! Because we're the type of people who don't travel longer dan 8 hours, we don't like the drive the whole time, we drive 8 hours or 900km max, and then overnight somewhere nice..we're not in a hurry, it is a vacation after all. My parents always drive the whole time, and then you need 3 day's to get rested... So we enjoyed it! On that drive I had my first hamburger in McDonalds haha, and cola zero, but didn't like the cola zero, then I bought the cold cappuccino, because Marko wasn't used to driving so much, we always split it in have ways, but now he was driving more, because I was so tired of the pregnancy! But that was just because I was also avoiding cafeïne! But you need it than, Marko was also on redbull hehe! We survived and drove through Vienna, we can't wait tot visit that city too!! So much to see, so short vacations, but because we go every year to the same places because of our friends and family we always try one new place! In 2016 we visited more new places: Berlin, Oslo, Frederikstad, Trebinje, Dubrovnik, Baska voda, Mikulov..and some other little places on the way..
Slany (Czech republic, not far from Prague) Than we went to my nephew and aunt who live in Czech republic, his wife was pregnant of their third child, she gave birth 9 januari 2016, a girl, three girls he has, so nice, like my two sisters and I! I'm so happy! Our little boy will have a playmate when we go there hehe!
Home! (Antwerp, Belgium) After three weeks of travelling we came home hehe !
We haven't been anywhere because of the renovations and preparing for the baby..we went few times to the Netherlands..
But the other years we also didn't travel this period..
We always travel in Februari, May and the summer, so nothing really changed hehe!
We wanted to go on a citytrip in the winter vacation but because of my pelvic instability we didn't risk it and also our new living room was ready so that was already vacation feeling, and just going on trips in your residence is also nice, a walk to the park, that is also fun fun, as long as you're together with the people you love!!