When reality hits you: How I'm experiencing my pregnancy: part two

Part one was a long post and isn't finished yet so I decided to divide it in three posts..
Part one= the decision to get pregnant and the first trimester
Part two= the second trimester
Part three= the third trimester..

So we came back from vacation..
Some stuff had to be done..

August - September 2016
We came home.
Marko had to work.
I had still vacation.

Internship
Normally I had to start my internship 19/8/2016
I had to go to the doctor of the school, to get a check up If I could do my internship.
I had to start on pediatrics.
My gynecologist said It probably would be okay!
The doctor of the school decided otherwise. 
He said it is forbidden because of Cytomegalovirus (CMV). Little children can pass it on and it is dangerous for pregnant woman, for their foetus. I was immune, but anyway it could come back. So I was very disappointed but hopefull that I would get an other department.
I thought I could do my first semester of internship in nursing, that was until the end of December 2016, and in January 2017 I would be free, end of February 2016 I would give birth, and than be home with the baby, and in September 2017 I would start my last semester of internship in nursing, so I would just postpone my studied one semester...
That was a good agreement with myself.
Because first I wanted to finish the internship and get pregnant afterwards as I told in my previous posts, but when your biological clock starts waking up...I had postponed it already for too long...There would always be a reason to postpone pregnancy for people like me...

No internship for me
So I went to talk to my mentor of the nursing school, bad news, you can only do your internship until you're 24 weeks pregnant, I was already 12 at the time. He couldn't find in time an other department because we are obliged to do 16 weeks of internship in a row, you couldn't split it. I also didn't tell the school earlier because I was scared of miscarriage due the bleedings I had. And they say when you pass the three months you're safe. So I waited to tell them..
I WAS FURIOUS DISSAPOINTED A REAL EXPECTATION HANGOVER! I recommend the book! Because that is what happend to me, I assumed something, but things don't always go the way you want, and now when I'm 35 weeks, I almost forgot about it, but I see now it is for the best...
I was very tired and gained wait fast, and I didn't know If I could handle the stress and the speed of an internship.
It isn't the same as working, you really have to do your best and to prove yourself, so I calmed myself and told myself it is for the best..Poor baby, but I told myself whatever happens in my life I will not blame the baby! It was my own choice. Sometimes I say to my husband, it is all because of you, but that is not true, sometimes it just feels good to blame someone else, but it is my own decision  I could gotten pregnant faster, you never know..So I accepted..and went searching for a job, because what am I going to do? I can't stay home for the whole pregnancy...

First exams and search for daycare and work
As you remember I had still two exams to pass for nursing school and 3 examens for my study orthodox theology...
So while being disappointed I was also studying and searching for a daycare for the baby, because you can't start soon enough. I already had sent mails in July before we went on vacation, and made appointments for after the vacation, but the place we went first to had no room. I searched for september of 2017, so more as a year in advance, and still they were occupied. We live in Antwerp, a busy city, with a lot of working parents, and not a lot of room in the daycare. But the one who seeks will find. So I found one...It looks nice, two sisters and their sister-in-law run it. Their children went or are still going there as well. And when I went to see it with my sister, because the tour they give is during the hours my husband works, the children were really enjoying themselves and I ran into a on old friend, and her second child was already going their, so okay...! Everything was perfect, except for Friday's they work untill 17.00 and other days untill 18.00 and that could be a problem a few Friday's a month, because my husband can't make it on time to pick the baby up. So we tried at a third childcare, from the city Antwerp, because the others are private childcares. But they work with the same system. They calculate how much your husband and you earn and than on the basis of that calculation they know how much your daily price will going to be. The city day care had no room at all, then we tried a fourth one because of that Friday and they had room from december 2017 that wasn't an option either. 

Parental leave
So for every problem is a solution, and in Belgium there is the opportunity for man and woman to take four months of parental leave, the mother has 15 weeks of maternity leave plus 4 months of parental leave, the latter you can use until your child turns 12. You don't have to take it immediately. So my husband could take every Friday off during 2 years. 
You can choose three options, 
1)you take the four months at once or you split them up, but you have to take a month in a row, you can't say today I'll take a day of or two weeks, no it has to be a period of a month minimum and maximum 4 months
2) you can choose to work part time, minimum during periods of 2 months, maximum during 8 months. So until your child turns 12 you can work parttime in periods..
3) you can choose to work 4/5, so one day a week off, during almost 2 years, you can also split them up in period of 5 months..
My husband probably will choose the latter if I start my internship in september 2017. He would do this during 5 months or 10 months, it depends financially, because I'll maybe do the first 16 weeks of internship from september 2017 until december 2017, and than work for 6 months, and than the last semester from september 2018 until december 2018, but what I have learned during this pregnancy you can't plan, you just go with the flow day by day!
Because an other disappointment came along and that is why we had to change plans, is that the organization who would help us nursing students financially decided to stop with that from January 2017. So for those who started in september 2017, they would support them, but for those who started in 2017, not anymore. And financial support ment pay the tuition, daycare, uniform, books... That would mean a lot. Because I wouldn't have a pay or scholarship, but because I always have a temporary contract in education, when it ends I get unemployment benefits, and that stays for a year the same, but you have to prove you're studying or searching for work, so it would be the same amount during my studies. But now with a baby and daycare to pay, and no help from that organization I don't know if it will be enough to pay all or expenses.
Because afterwards I was happy I could go back to work from 3 of October until 4 of January, because your paycheck is much more than a unemployment benefit. Because we had to renovate, and buy all the babystuff, so with a unemployment benefit it wouldn't be enough.

Nursing exams
The exams of nursing didn't went well, I was like OH MY GOD I'm always studying, I studied on our honeymoon, I studied while married, while pregnant,...a studyholic! One exam I really hoped to pass, but it was multiple-choice and I suck at it. The other was oral exam. They weren't so friendly, and were surprised I didn't annul the exam. Because we had the option, to annul 3 exams during the whole study, I already annulled 2 exams in the first year, in the second year I passed all, and in the third year I hoped also to do that, but too bud I still had two exams, I could only annul one, so I said, I will try both, you never know, and then I still didn't pass both, I thought it was because of my pregnancy brain, but my 4 friends who had to do the same exams, didn't pass as well, they were just to severe, they had enough points to annul them both, I didn't...I decided to annul the oral exam, because the professor was a real pain in the ass, and It wasn't worth the stress pregnant, I really hoped it didn't harm the baby, but luckily it didn't. I could do the one multiple-exam in Januari 2017 again, but I decided to not do that, I didn't want the stress one month before I gave birth, and it was as if I know I wouldn't be able to that, because with my pelvic instability I can't sit long. And also I really liked to enjoy the holiday's without studying. And if I didn't pass I had to do it again in August 2017, and we went to baptize the baby than in Bosnia, and we also have a wedding in September 2017, so I said, I will do that exam in Januari 2018 while I'm doing my internship, than I'm back in the game!

Theology exams
The three exams of theology I passed with excellent results, I remember the subject matter better, also because I'm already a orthodox theology teacher 4 years, the most themes I gave my students. One exam was difficult, but I passed it excellent anyway, so proud and happy I was!
I still had 2 exams of theology to pass the first semester and one the second semester while being a mom, two in November normally and one in May. I decided to do them while pregnant and being a mom, because I learned them easier, they weren't so stressful for me, because they were about God, and the professors are really nice to you on the exams, so you stay calm. But because of the Pelvic Instability, I couldn't go do the exams in November. I wrote the paper, I still have to defend it orally. One I passed because It required your presence but because I had a medical certificate I was legitimately absent. I got the audio and course book at home and read it myself.
So I will do exams as a mother also hehe! In May!

September I was at home, I really enjoyed that month of pregnancy! 
I got my energy back. I went to see friend I didn't see in a long time. I rode my bike, it was so beautiful and hot weather. I went for walks/easy runs. I enjoyed it really.
My birthday is 15th of September, that day I'm always happy.
We had friends over.
We went with my parents, sisters and niece to a restaurant, because my father his birthday is also that day. I'm his present from my birth...
We had a photoshoot and announced the pregnancy on Facebook. 
I loved september of my pregnancy!
I accepted everything.
And also found a job, because when I went to do the exams theology, a colleague had to give birth in October, so she asked me if I would do her hours while she was on maternity leave, she gave birth two weeks early.
I was so happy, almost a fulltime, and we could really use the money and I time would pass faster, and I would be useful.
So that was settled too.
I started with the pregnancy swimming and pregnancy yoga.
It was a nice start of things!

First I was disappointed to work again as an orthodox theology teacher, and that in primary school, I prefer to work in secondary school. But I learned to accept and realized that everything happens for a reason. I learned a lot from this experience. When one doors closes the other opens...

September I love you!

Too be continued in the third part...

When life happens to you: how I'm experiencing pregnancy: part one...

25 February 2017
I can't believe I haven't wrote from 24 February 2016. And the funny part we're expecting our baby 25 February 2017.
I had a lot of moments I have to write my blog, but I'm in really weird mood swings so I didn't want to bother you with them. Because expecting a baby people expect you to walk on clouds. I did even expected It form people. Like why are they acting like that, that is the best thing happening to them! I'm not going to be like that. And then you start feeling the changes in your life. Not only in your life, but in your body, mind and soul.

Nursing internship april 2016
As I see I wrote that nursing school was a failure in january, wel thank God everything went great after that. My internship was great! It was a very difficult department: psychogeriatrics. But it was a big challenge, and I learned so much as a nurse and as a human being. You should really enjoy life with the people you love, because when you get old, you can forget everything or people can forget you when they get old. That really hurts some people. So Carpe diem, because you never know what tomorrow brings...

Norway May 2016
We really enjoyed it! Oslo and Frederikstad. You should go there for the nature. Only alcohol is really expensive, the other stuff you can really find for OK prices. People look there very relaxed 😊! Everything goes very relaxed, not such a hurry as in other cities. 

Exams June 2016
My exams in June were great, I passed them all! So I was really happy about it!
I had 2 examens to do in august. So that was OKAY! 

Very tired= PREGNANT 25 June 2016!
After the exams I felt so tired! I thought it was because of the very busy, difficult year! Buying a house, losing some hours of work (I found extra hours in april 2016 so It was okay again!), the internship, the exams, very exhausting things and work. Marko and I decided end of January 2016 to try for kids. After two sessions of mindfulness/act the mentor said how she was doubting to have kids and now has three. 
And I felt it what she was feeling. 
In the course were especially women, and you had women with careers and without kids/partner, so busy with their career that they forgot their private life. And then there were women with careers and kids, it wasn't easy, but they looked happier. Exhausted but happy/fulfilling. 

Because I read online: people who care for someone (child, partner, parents...) have a more fulfilling life than people who are alone, because they are just satisfying their needs. The latter are happier but they have to fulfill their needs all the time to stay happy. People who have to care for others are not always happy, because they don't have time to fulfill al their needs, but they have more reasons to live for. Because sometimes I know that I said what is the meaning of life? And yes you can go see the whole world, and buy all the stuff, but once you done it, it is over. But then I realized the time I spent with my sisters, husband, parents is everything to me, those memories are worth more than anything! 
I love to travel, but it is more beautiful with those people by my side.

So back to the why did I decide to get pregnant?
Well I always wanted to have children, but never to be pregnant, impossible of course, only if you adopt, but to adopt is not that easy! You almost have to be rich to adopt! But I also was curious how will my baby with Marko look like?
And then my OB told me I had a cyst on the ovary in May 2015, in September 2015 it was still there. She said if it grows or doesn't go away, we will have to remove it, and maybe remove an ovary! I was like WHAAAT, cry cry, I will never have kids, omg! Why did I wait so long? PANIC of course!! But it could also go away on its own... Then I was like no don't panic, and we start buying our house, no time to think about it. And about December 26 2015 we moved in the house, and I was like, wow so much space, so much rooms, it is empty? O but first I will have to finish nursing school... Then I started the mindfulness course..Why wait? I was 27, you don't get pregnant immediately  and my father who works in the medical sector told me If you get pregnant the cyst will surely disappear. Did my father wanted to become a grandfather or was he for real? And than Marko said, I fulfilled all your wishes, because we are already 4 years married and 5 years together almost 6. And he wanted already for a while to become a father. 
But when we first got married and he came to Belgium with me in september 2012 I told him we'll have children when:

1)You have learned Dutch well, because I can't stand that children have to translate for their parents. My parents went to school to learn Dutch. I don't have the time, to be a mom, a wife and your translator.

2) You find work.

3)We buy a home

1)And then of course in january 2016, what know? I fulfilled all your wishes. He went four years 2 evenings a week to Dutch school for foreign language speakers. He earned his diploma's. One course is left and with that course he could do a bachelor. But he was tired, what I can believe. He works 40 hours a week, and goes 6hours a week to language course. He almost missed none, only if he got sick, for the renovations some days, and when his family came to visit. He always went! I'm so proud of him. Now he speaks, like he is his whole life here. Some friends of my parents are here like we 24 years, and can't speak, and he is here 4 years and everybody is so surprised when he speaks. They gave him applauses several times!

2) He already has two years a permanent employment contract, I still don't have that, but working in the education sector as a religion teacher is very hard to get a permanent contract. So very proud of him!

3) We bought our home!

Than I panicked as I always do, what now?
The cyst, he fulfilled my wishes, what about nursing school?
I also always wanted to become a mom before 30.

The bucket list! When I was 14 years old I wrote a diary, I wrote longtime diaries, but then it was serious 😂! I loved to daydream then! Then I made my bucket list!
I wanted to finish university.
I wanted to learn Cyrillic.
I wanted to get a driver license.
I wanted to travel a lot.
I wanted to go live for a year in Belgrado or longer.
I wanted there to meet the man of my dreams.
At 24-25 I wanted to get married with that man.
We should have to live first together and then get married (that didn't really went as planned, but we were 1,5 years together before we got married).
We should be about 5 years together before we got married and have children, the married part went faster, the having children went as planned!
So at 28-29 I should become a mom. 
Of course when I met Marko I asked if he wanted to have children hehe!
Of course he did.
And then when I was 27, I was like, I don't know am I ready?
I really know when I finished my university degree I was not. Something was missing, that was the medical knowledge! So I finished all the theory and two internships. I really wanted to take blood, so I did.  I still have to do 32 weeks of internship, but that is as working. So I was like okay, the things I wanted to learn about medicine I did, and I took some blood 😜, and some people don't get pregnant in months/years. So maybe I will not immediately. 

And then the adventure began, first I was disappointed that it didn't went that fast, because I was always scared to get pregnant. I was more disappointed because everywhere you learn, hear and read to have safe sex, you will get pregnant, but It isn't that easy. But still you should have safe sex! I was like, when you don't want it, it happens, when you want it, it doesn't, because a lot of couples have problems. But I think it is also the expectation, and big stress they put on their selfs. I was okay with it if it came immediately or if it came after I finished my nursing internship
It went fast enough, after two/three months I was pregnant, that is fast, normally it takes 6 until 12 months. 

25 June 2016
So 25 June 2016 we decided to take the pregnancy test. Because I was late with my period 3 day's (actually six, because when I stopped with the contraception pills I had my period every 30 day's and not 28 as I was used to, so the first month I took a test, but it was false alarm, now we were also like should we take the test or not, but something felt different and my boobs hurt and I was so tired.) It says your first pee in the morning should be the one you test on. Of course the people who know me I pee a lot 😜. I had an infection when I was about 18 years old, never knew it. Than my blather shrunk because of it. So I had to train it. Also had some medication, it was fixed, but still my mind thinks it has to pee all the time. So at 3 in the morning, I was like, first pee? Marko was like noo, sleep..I was like I'm doing it, so come with me or wait in bed. He was like okay! So we went to the toilet, I peed in a cup, because I would guarantee pee on my hand. I'm not so handy. And then put the test in the cup, and it normally takes 3 minutes. Marko thought Okay I'll have a pee to, but I didn't notice that I was just watching the test. And when I did the test first time in february we waited long for nothing. Now it was just few seconds and there it was positive, I'AM PREGNANT! Markooo, I was like he? He was their peeing, congratulations honey. What a weird situation haha! I was like heuh I didn't see you were peeing haha! So very romantic.
And Marko fell a sleep, and I was like, OH MY GOD I really decided to get pregnant, fat, dependent and to raise a child? But I don't know what I want with my life? I have no permanent job contract, our house is not renovated yet, why do I always have to be so impulsive? How will we pay, raise this child? PANIC PANIC PANIC,.. and then Omg what is the baby going to look like, O I will travel with the baby, and Marko NOTHING haha, he fell a sleep, I didn't sleep that night!

The next day The next day we had planned a bbq with friends we didn't see a while and to celebrate the good exams. We decided to tell nobody, because I wanted the doctor to take blood, to be sure, because it was a cheap test. The previous time we bought a expensive and a cheap one, both negative, I didn't want to "throw" any money away again. But Marko was so happy, because when I asked him over and over, what he dreamed of when he was little? He said "to become a father and have a family." Not the usual to travel, or to have that or that job, no just the perfect thing ever become a father, husband! That is why I love him. He is happy with the things we call little, but are the big things.
A fancy job, house, car, travel, .. is not the big thing, raising kids and taking care for a family is!!
I knew I could depend on him!
So that day I was totally not their with my mind. I went to the hairdresser, I had a appointment, she cut to much hair of, I wanted to be long, for the pregnancy pictures also, but I was so distracted, but everybody liked it. I wasn't drinking cola zero, wine (bambus the mix my favorite) or rakija, or alcohol, I was just drinking water, saying I had a head ache and drunk something for pain, but I did had a headache because I didn't sleep.
Marko was getting drunk and singing, everybody was like, wow never seen him as that, but I just was like, he missed his friends, but I knew why. I was jealous, because longer than a year I will not be aloud to drink 😔, not that I'm a alcoholic, but when people say to me you can't have that, do that, I just want it more, you know! But I had a baby to think of, and I wanted a smart baby and alcohol can damage the brains, and my brains are okay, but of Marko hehe just joking. So NO ALCOHOL..NO COLA caffeine is not good. The first weeks I ate very healthy! So we survived the bbq nobody noticed anything. Marko was playing with the children of friends. They were like he is going to be a good father, I was like I know and that will be sooner than you think!

The first trimester
So I went to the doctor, he confirmed I was pregnant. I made an appointment at the OB. It was very late, in august somewhere. After our vacation I think.
Than we decided the next weekend to tell the family, his family over skype, my family we invited for a bbq. But it wasn't that easy do to it at ones, so who we are going to tell first?
Their was already the first problem hehe, my family, no my family, ok we had to tell first his family, because his sisters were visiting his mother, they don't live anymore with her but in a city next to Belgrado. So we thought everybody's coming on skype. But the younger sister and brother were out with friends. The mother was feeding the sheep and cow. Only the older sister was on skype. So we talked about everything, except the pregnancy. I was whispering, what now? He was like wait for my mother. The rest will hear it from them. I was like okay hehe! Then the mother came, we told them. She was crying of course. The sister said, you see mother you're going to be a grandmother after all, from the day we married she was hoping and hoping. She has blood pressure problems, but is taking her medication. The doctor said to her, you're not going to die yet, you first have to be a grandmother, but she was like, my children aren't having any hehe, but now we do. 

Than my parents, they are special too. My sisters decided last minute to go shopping, my parents came early, but I was like waiting for the whole family. My mother is a good person, but with a hard past and a lot of times she can burst in anger for stupid reasons, because she is always trying to do good, but you don't always are appreciated for it. So stop expecting that, just do good because you want too, not because you expect something.
And Marko was sick of it, because they always want to "help" us but they mean that we have to do things as they want to, and if we don't want to, they get mad. Because I say thank you for your advise as I learned at act, but we're going to do it that way, and then they are, yes if you think that is smart, but you're stupid.. parents! So that was that moment, and Marko didn't held back, so my mother said I'm going home, and my father said me too, and they left, and I was like woow what happened? OO WINE WHERE ARE YOU! And I said to Marko couldn't you just keep your mouth, but it was my parents fault, but you can't change them, accept them or don't. They are good people, but you know different backgrounds, different generation. So that plan went wrong to. My sisters weren't aloud to come. I had a surprise note for them with a picture super grandmother and grandfather, best aunties..
I was like okay... So I send a SMS message to my sister, well too bad this went like this, but surprise you're going to be aunties and grandparents. I hated that I had to do it by text, but hey whatever..Than my sister didn't answer, apparently she was crying because she was so happy, and my father panicked, and than he just acted cool..
My sisters sneaked to us, and were so happy.
Few day's later I saw my parents.
Afterwards my father was like don't call me father anymore, call me grandfather, I was like okay hehe!
But then again saying something about Marko, and I WAS TIRED AND PREGNANT.
And I had to stop being daddy's little girl. It was so hard for me to let go. Because you are so used to to do what your parents say, they have the experience, they know.
And I already said, I did things my way, but still I listened sometimes to my parents.
But now it had to stop!
I was becoming a mom, Marko is the father of my child.
I said father enough, if you have a problem with Marko, go tell him. I'm not listening anymore, I'm a mother to be, he's the father, I love him, I don't have the problems with him you two have. If you don't like him that is your problem. I'm not his mother, I can't fix him, I can't fix you, I love you both, but I'm not going to chose or take a party. I talk with my husband and we sort our problems, you should do the same with him, or not, but stop talking about him to me. 
And I left!
My mother loves to talk about her problems too, same old problems over and over.
I was tired tired, so I said to them, tell nice things, or I'm just not coming anymore.
I want to be a happy pregnant lady.
So I took some distance, and they listened. 

Bleeding
It was summer. So one moment I had a bleeding. I was like O no, we're losing the baby. I was so scared, because if we lost the baby, I can't do this. So I called Marko he came from work we went to the OB, the baby = ninja turtle I called it, was okay, it was so small and weird, not looking human at all! We saw our baby! But If I bleed again I can come. So I bleed again and went with a friend and her daughter 7 years old again, I didn't want to traumatize the child, so she stood next to me, when they putted the thing inside, (echo) because the baby was too small for on the belly. We heard the heart beat the first time so nice! O the girl was also, I'm going to tell Marko I heard it first. So the bleeding was just the baby and placenta and uterus making place and hitting some little veins. Nothing to worry about, but still. I was tired a lot. The OB told of course you can eat chocolate, because I wasn't eating chocolate. There were restricitions what to eat and what not. But chocolate was okay, and until know I'm addicted. No cola zero, no alcohol, but I need an alternative addiction hehe!

Vacation
We went on vacation. O I was so tired and without cafeïne it was hard to drive. The trip to Croatia, I did it without the cafeïne, the trip back I drank cold cappuccino, so nice hehe! Than I drove 4 hours continuously.
Our stops:
a small town not for from Münchin ( to rest, so nice hotel)
Fazana ( Croatia): we stayed with my parents at my grandparents house, it was really nice! It was a challenge for me, because it has been a while since we stayed with my parents, but it worked! We had our own key, so nice! Swimming in the sea felt nice, but because of the pregnancy I had to pee a lot, and had to change bikini's all the time, because I had a special one, because my breasts were immediateli huge! (I will post pictures another time hehe). Our friends from Slovenia came we had a great time...
Belgrade ( Serbia) my birth city (hot hot hot there), we stayed at Marko's sisters, ..but it was too hot there for everyone! And a lot of mosquitos..My friends from Slovenia who we saw in Croatia were also there, was so nice to hang out with them..
My cravings started there, so I ate every night about 3 at the morning, and I ate so much pancakes haha! But I couldn't eat big meals, but I ate very two hours something!
In the restaurants people thought I didn't like the food, but then I said sorry I'm pregnant and they were like O no problem we will wrap it to go 😂! Eventually I started ordering child menu hehe!
Sabac (Serbia) We visited my mothers niece and aunt, I hadn't seen them in 8 years or so, I can't believe it, I went so many times to Belgrado and it is an hour drive from them, and we never went there, we hadn't time, or they hadn't time, because the aunt is very old, live 85 years, so..but it was really nice, they were so happy to see us! You should make time for family, but it is not that easy when they live so far!
Rudo (Bosnia, close to the border with Serbia), Marko's birth city..There I enjoyed it the most, because it was so serene, the nature, in the evenings it was cold enough to sleep..
It was nice, my mother in law spoiled me hehe! I enjoyed it!
I forgot to mention the worst ride ever from Sabac to Rudo a lot of road curves, hey that is Bosnia's nature, pretty but for a pregnant lady, even not pregnant people get car sick, I tried to drive myself that didn't help, the only that helped, was eating to whole 6hours hahaha no wonder I got fat 😂 !! How much I ate! Arriving was nice, because the brother and the whole neighbourhoud was so happy and waiting for us, and there was a bbq but also because it was the birthday of the brother, but I had some bleedings, it was probably because ot the drive and heat, I was like NO WAY I'm going to the hospital here haha FOBIA..The doctors are good, but the hospitals are from the communist period, scary like horor movies, you find blood on the toilets, more about this in an other post! BUT WE SURVIVED AND HAD A NICE TIME hehe!
Trebinje (Bosnia, close to the border with Croatia) I loved Trebinje, such a beautiful city, I recommend it al!! A good friend of my moms who lives in Belgium but is from Dubrovnik has a apartment there and we were welcome to stay there, was so nice! I loved it! Such a romantic city with a nice history! My father says the most beautiful city in Bosnia! It was really hot in Dalmatia, but Trebinje is nice..But it is the south so I think april, may or september is better for sightseeing..we saw a beautiful church, monastery, o so nice! We will go back!
Dubrovnik (Croatia, the sea coast, Dalmatia)because of the heat and my pregnancy we didn't get the chance to see the old city regrettably , because it was long walking, and it was almost 40 degrees, so too hot for me, and I was in the first trimester, so feeling mononucleosis tired! But we will go back for sure! Because the game of thrones are filmed there and I love that show hehe! So we went swimming, the water was so nice, we enjoyed it! It has been 10 days from Fazana, so swimming again on the way home was nice!
Baska voda (Croatia, the sea Coast, Dalmatia): Then we went to friends who also live in Belgium but his parents have apartments there, so who's interested can rent there...we went for one night to visit.. it is really nice, but also so much hotter than in Fazana, Fazana has more shadow and is also in the north of Croatia (Istra) , Dalmatia is really south! You can swim there in june and september, so for the people who like their temperatures a bit lower! We swam the next day and had it really nice! So nice people!
Mikulov ( Czech republic) we were invited to a wedding their of my friend who studies with me in Ghent. She was also at my wedding, so we couldn't miss that! It was so beautiful and the hotel was 4 stars, after a drive of 11 hours we really enjoyed it! Because we're the type of people who don't travel longer dan 8 hours, we don't like the drive the whole time, we drive 8 hours or 900km max, and then overnight somewhere nice..we're not in a hurry, it is a vacation after all. My parents always drive the whole time, and then you need 3 day's to get rested... So we enjoyed it! On that drive I had my first hamburger in McDonalds haha, and cola zero, but didn't like the cola zero, then I bought the cold cappuccino, because Marko wasn't used to driving so much, we always split it in have ways, but now he was driving more, because I was so tired of the pregnancy! But that was just because I was also avoiding cafeïne! But you need it than, Marko was also on redbull hehe! We survived and drove through Vienna, we can't wait tot visit that city too!! So much to see, so short vacations, but because we go every year to the same places because of our friends and family we always try one new place! In 2016 we visited more new places: Berlin, Oslo, Frederikstad, Trebinje, Dubrovnik, Baska voda, Mikulov..and some other little places on the way..
Slany (Czech republic, not far from Prague) Than we went to my nephew and aunt who live in Czech republic, his wife was pregnant of their third child, she gave birth 9 januari 2016, a girl, three girls he has, so nice, like my two sisters and I! I'm so happy! Our little boy will have a playmate when we go there hehe!
Home! (Antwerp, Belgium) After three weeks of travelling we came home hehe !
We haven't been anywhere because of the renovations and preparing for the baby..we went few times to the Netherlands..
But the other years we also didn't travel this period..
We always travel in Februari, May and the summer, so nothing really changed hehe!
We wanted to go on a citytrip in the winter vacation but because of my pelvic instability we didn't risk it and also our new living room was ready so that was already vacation feeling, and just going on trips in your residence is also nice, a walk to the park, that is also fun fun, as long as you're together with the people you love!!

Every year a bit wiser 2017: the journey of a pregnant woman!

Introduction
I have not written a long time.
I started a new post, but didn't finish it.
Because I hadn't written over a year I think. (24/2/2016 last time and I have to give birth 25/2/2017, so weird is it a sign ? hehe)
So I wanted to keep you up speed, but that will have to wait. First I have to write this...
I have to write more often and shorter posts, but sometimes I want to write but I don't have the energy or the right spirit. Especially pregnant you're too tired sometimes. Sometimes it is hard to share your life with other people. But a lot of blogs and posts have helped me during my pregnancy and other fases in life, so maybe my experience and blog will help someone else. Or just show them you're not alone. Life is a struggle, but it is beautiful too, you just have to look at it from the right perspective.

Pregnancy
I'm now almost 34 weeks pregnant.
It has been life changing.
And it is a New Year..
We're expecting a baby boy around 25/2/2017...

A real challenge
This was a real challenge for me.
Because I love children, but 'never' wanted to be pregnant.
But it is not possible to have babies without being pregnant.

From independent to dependent
I went from an independent woman to a very pregnant woman who can barely put on her shoes!
I have got pelvic instability from 27 weeks of pregnancy and had to stop working. I couldn't come out of bed, barely.
I was scared I couldn't do this.
But nobody gives you a choice, this is it!
There is no way back. It isn't like an exam and you can chose to do it or not, it is not an exercise you can say okay today I decide to not be pregnant, you just have to accept.
This is ACT, this is mindfulness...You can't fight it, and if you fight it, it gets only worse, because the very little energy you have, you waist on being annoyed.
It took me really some time to accept the situation. (Now? hehe)
I did the courses of ACT, but being pregnant learns you really to ACT, because with other stuff you can give up, but being un-pregnant isn't possible.

Respect
I have so much more respect for people dealing with this every day, people with pelvic problems because of other reasons, for people who are depending from other people because of an illness. I know (hope) this will stop once the baby is born, but some people have to learn to live with health problems every day. Or are in pain everyday!

How ACT helps chronic pain
Pelvic pain is like chronic pain, I'm not in pain the whole time, but when I do something that used to be normal, like turning sides in bed, or sitting/standing for a while, I feel pain. And during my study at nursing school, ACT is used to help with chronic pain. You have to learn to live with it. I notice when I'm with people and doing fun stuff I forget the pain or it is just at the background, like the radio, when something stupid is on the radio, you just don't pay attention, this is how you should deal with less fun stuff in life. It isn't every day like this, but then I think "don't let it ruin you're nice moment".

Cinema with my father
Like when I went with my father to the cinema, I was scared I had to go pee every minute, and that I couldn't sit the whole 2 hours, but I SURVIVED it and it was FUN! I was smart, I bought us tickets for an early movie, when there aren't a lot of people in the cinema, than we took the cosy seats, because my hips are wider, so it was more confortable. So for every problem is a solution as a good friend of my said hehe! And I went to toilet as when I was not pregnant, because I also took a seat that was easy to go fast to the toilet and everybody sees that you're pregnant, so nobody cares.
People don't care
and most of the time, people don't care, you just care..you think people care, but people are so busy with themselfs and their life, that they really don't care! I noticed how many people really stayed in touch or asked how I'm doing, you know your real friends in this situation, and some people I just don't blame, I was so busy too...working, evening courses nursing, courses theology, and so on...and you can't relate with not pregnant woman/people, especially with the not mom's..and with the already moms sometimes, but we are all so unique and every pregnancy is unique, you find more support online, than in your neighborhood, because online you can find women who had the same problems, and also everybody experiences it differently..Just trust yourself!

Renovations
Also we had to renovate, and I missed my husband almost 60 days of the pregnancy, because he was working during the day, and renovating with his brother during the evening.
So no time for baby-dreaming, or shopping.

Life goes on
As I said all my friends have their own lives, they write me, but their lives go on and on.
For me time stopped and went very slow, but even then it passes, everything passes...

Coping
I had some tricks, I pretended I worked from home.
I wrote and read..but pregnancy makes you numb and tired.
I watched a lot of movies, Hallmark Christmas movies, I recommend them!
They are really feel good movies and show you the importance of life!
That is family!
Children are happiness, but they say, NO PAIN NO GAIN hehe!

Weight gain
Pelvic instability is painful, getting fat is painful!
Because I always had an issue with my weight!
I used to practice Judo. And being in your weight class was very important, so I was always on diets.
And then puberty is hard on you and then the girls from my birth country Serbia are all like models.
But is that really how we should look?
And now I realized I had/have a beautiful body!
And I'm really proud of my skin, because even I'm huge hehe, my skin is nice!
I knew I'm going to get fat, but I have already gained 27 kg and still 7 weeks to go!
I tried not to eat and still gained 2 kg's in two weeks, so I said "fuck it" and I just eat what I like hehe.
Of course I want a healthy baby so I eat healthy, but you just have cravings, and I for sweet things, because my husband likes sweet hehe, so now do I, I liked sweet (chocolate) but not as much as now, and not the sweet things my husbands eats, I always went for a healthier version..but now haha!
I was also like, o if I was eating every day McDonalds I would understand why I gained so much weight but I was really eating and still am eating home cooked meals, but hey it is what it is!
I first felt ashamed but why? (A friend of my husband said today pregnant woman are sexy haha, nice ! So be proud ladies!)
I went online, and read blogs from other pregnant woman and was so happy when they told me the same things..
Because everybody was like I just gained 8kg or 12kg, but some of them their start weight was higher than mine, and some not, but had other problems, nobody is perfect, and nobody's life is perfect, sometimes you think the grass is greener at your neighbors, but sometimes you just don't see they fake/pretend..or they struggle with other things that are going well in your life, so don't judge before you're sure..You will survive!

A lot is pressure from the environment.
Just life your live by your values as I promote this..
Normally I had to gain 15kg max, but hey that didn't happen..
My OB never said anything, that was so weird, because as you know I want to become a nurse, one year left! (I had to postpone because of the pregnancy, first I was sad, but now I ACCEPT haha, no choice!) and as a nurse I knew this, but I learned more during this pregnancy than at any school I attended! Theory and practice are two totally different things! Too bad the people working in the health sector aren't always that nice and understanding as we had learned at nursing school to be. Especially with pregnant women, they should be more nice, and have nicer chairs in the waiting rooms!!
My blood pressure is okay, my urine is okay and the MOST IMPORTANT THING THE BABY IS OK! A real little Jackie Chan in my belly! Hehe Ribs are his favorite like his fathers hehe!

The whole truth and nothing but the truth 
I decided to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth hehe!
Because other woman will maybe need this, as I needed it, to hear the truth!
People like so much to make their life more beautiful than it is, especially on Facebook..
But it was like that even before Facebook.
It is like a competition, but that is not life!
Life is as you want it to be!
Sometimes I think I shouldn't post that, maybe somebody isn't happy, but I just have to do what I feel, today is a good day, and another day a bad day!
I had really difficult days and I thought every morning Oh my God I'm still pregnant hahaha! This is for real! Never again!
But feeling the baby inside of you is really special, but a pregnancy isn't short!
There is a book from a writer from Montenegro, he went to jail and the title is "A year passed a day never.." That is how I feel, "9 months passed a day never" hehe!
Time began to go slow when I was home, and totally depending on my husband.
But I survived.
And I read in the Bible:Matthew 6:34 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
I will post the whole Bible quote in an other post, it is so life inspiring! I read it with my students!

Woman should be proud!
Also I learned what it means being a woman: a woman has superpower. She has to ability to be a mom, to breastfeed (that is apparently a choice in Belgium, because in my home country, you just breastfeed, it is what our breasts are  really for, and it is the best for your baby and you, not the easiest but hey no pain no gain, you know!)  So you just have to accept that you're a woman, not a man, you have to be the one carrying the baby in your belly and feeding the baby and It should be an honor. I see how my husband is sometimes jealous, because he can't feel the baby as I do. So enjoy that...there is time for work, but sometimes it is time to life, if you already decide to go for kids, and this I tell myself more, as I said, I don't like people interferring with my life, so why should I with yours, but I just learned to be proud of myself and my body!
Because I studied a long time, I did a lot of stuff, and being pregnant was the hardest for me, but I will get something really special in return for it, and I love to learn, and how better to learn than through life experience, every year you're a different person, but after a pregnancy wow you really change,... Things that looked so important before are not! Now this baby is everything, because that little thing can't survive without you and your husband!
I love to help people, but now I become very different in who really needs my help, in the sense when somebody asked my help I was thinking "really can't you do that on your own??" Sorry I'm not waisting my little energy on you, a little thing in me that can't stay alive without me needs me!
A real momzilla haha! But still I will help if I can, that is also what I will learn my baby, but people have to realize that sometimes you just need the energy for yourself. People were so used to me helping them, but now I needed their help, and help came from unexpected places!  Thanks to all my family and friends who helped me and listened to my hormonal changes complaining and crying and being happy moments hehe!

Had a fun week after the renovations
But THANK GOD when the renovations ended 23.12.2016, we had a beautiful week,my husband had the week off. So first Christmas with the family, I love Christmas, my favorite holiday! Everybody was huging my belly and kissing it, and everybody felt the baby; the baby wasn't shy anymore and let the family know, I love you too hehe so magic!
And My husband and I went baby shopping, and we went on trips to the Netherlands, and I was scared again that my Pelvic Instability would ruin everything, but we were smart again and went after our breakfast when I had the most energy, and rested in the evening at home. I enjoyed it so much that I didn't let my pelvic instability ruin this week. I was so looking forward to spending time with our little family. We also spent New Year at home, was so nice! I believe how you start your new year that is how it will be, but it is what you make of it..We had nice breakfasts together at home as at a beautiful castle restaurant also, and coffee/cappuccino a lot that week!!
And between two renovation periods we did a massage, I a pregnancy massage and my husband a normal one, we needed it hehe, and than the second time we had the week off..

Now we enjoy every evening together, because no more renovations, now it is baby time hehe! We're almost prepared hehe! 

THANKFUL!!!
Enough complaining!
Being pregnant isn't only bad, it brought me closer to my family, mother, sisters, father and especially to my husband!
His wish was to become a father, other people want careers and money and cars, but when I met him 6 years ago, I asked him, what is your wish for the future, my husband was like, I live from day to day, 6 years with him and I still have to learn to live day to day(..this pregnancy learned me do that as you can see, because I never knew how I went to feel the next day so planning was a scary thing, but I SURVIVED nicely)...and he said my only wish is to have a family and become a father..so I let him waiting a long time because I didn't want to be pregnant and dependent, that all happened, but now my husband proved even more how great he is and he is doing a great job of helping me, being a super husband, and already the father of the year! Getting everything ready for the baby! So proud of him!

My sisters and niece are also special, they organized a surprise baby shower in minion style, loved it (21/11/2016)!
Little minion on the way hehe! They're already aunts of the year!
So thankful, all my friends made time in their busy agendas to be there, and they came from far, so thank you guys!
My parents helped, so thank you, grandparents of the year!
Friends of my sisters helped, so thank you!
My mother also bought a lot for the baby, helping out, because she knew we were renovating..
SO THANK YOU!!
My brother in law, who made time for us, and to renovated our house: already uncle of the year.

LOVE
This baby is loved, so loved by everyone, first grandchild for both sides of the family..the youngest..
He is spoiled already, and that really touched me, how we can love someone we haven't yet met!
We can't wait to meet you little boy!
Mommy knows no pain no gain hehe!
But I will be so happy to share you with daddy and have my body back hehe!
But I will miss the "what the heck I'll get fat anyway, so let's eat another cake-feeling" haha!

Advice
People really will interfere with your pregnancy.
You just have to listen to your heart!
You're an adult person, you know what is best for you and your baby.
Thank the people for their advice, what is useful use, what isn't say thanks and then do it you're way!

Practicing yoga and swimming for pregnant woman, or something else can really help to connect with the other ladies and to know you're not alone, but do it only if you feel up to it...
Prenatal lessons were nice for me too, but that is just a tip..
Every pregnant lady should do as she pleases..
I'm just a freak..I did everything with pregnancy in it!
Massage
Yoga
Swimming
Prenatal
HEHE!!
I just love to do courses! And I'm an active woman, I biked 40 minutes every day, ran sometimes, swam recreative before being pregnant, so I had to stay active.. At first I still biked, walked a lot, swam, yoga, but then I got the Pelvic Instability, so biking, walking reduced. And also a first pregnancy, you don't know what you can and can't do, and when you're in pregnancy lessons the midwives know and you realize wow cool exercises I can do them, but also they understand if you have had a hard day and give you a lot of advice for birth..We shall see how it goes, I'll write you about it..

So this is a hard journey, but soon we will meet our little prince!
And I'm looking forward to learn him everything, and he gives me a reason again to find the little girl in myself who really loved live and childhood, but on the way of growing up just lost it...

PS: I can't write short posts hehe! SORRY! People know me for my long messages, annoying, that's me!