I want to share with you what I'm experiencing as a mom.
My journey is one to being happy. It is okay that I'm not happy everyday. I want to live by my values. But now I want to share my experience to new moms.
Dea means goddess in Latin. We moms are goddesses!
Dit had ik geschreven als toen info over mezelf en dan heb ik de blog vernieuwd en aangepast aan mijn leven nu!
Dus dat het niet kwijt gaat!
"Mijn droom is uitgekomen!
Sinds mijn 14 jaar droomde ik om een jaar in Belgrado te wonen/studeren! Eindelijk is die droom uitgekomen!
3 jaar heb ik gevochten om via de Basileus-beurs in Belgrado te mogen studeren! Dit jaar is het eindelijk gelukt! Ik zit sinds maandag 26 september 2011 in Belgrado voor een jaar. Ik ga hier studeren aan de faculteit Politieke Wetenschappen, Master: Europese Integratie! Hier wil ik dit avontuur met jullie delen! Jullie worden mijn dagboek ;o)! (4de ondertussen!)
7 STRANGE QUESTIONS THAT HELP YOU FIND YOUR LIFE PURPOSE
One day, when my brother was 18, he waltzed into the living room and proudly announced to my mother and me that one day he was going to be a senator. My mom probably gave him the “That’s nice, dear,” treatment while I’m sure I was distracted by a bowl of Cheerios or something.
But for fifteen years, this purpose informed all of my brother’s life decisions: what he studied in school, where he chose to live, who he connected with and even what he did with many of his vacations and weekends.
And now, after almost half a lifetime of work later, he’s the chairman of a major political party in his city and the youngest judge in the state. In the next few years, he hopes to run for office for the first time.
Don’t get me wrong. My brother is a freak. This basically never happens.
Most of us have no clue what we want to do with our lives. Even after we finish school. Even after we get a job. Even after we’re making money. Between ages 18 and 25, I changed career aspirations more often than I changed my underwear. And even after I had a business, it wasn’t until I was 28 that I clearly defined what I wanted for my life.
Chances are you’re more like me and have no clue what you want to do. It’s a struggle almost every adult goes through. “What do I want to do with my life?” “What am I passionate about?” “What do I not suck at?” I often receive emails from people in their 40s and 50s who still have no clue what they want to do with themselves.
Part of the problem is the concept of “life purpose” itself. The idea that we were each born for some higher purpose and it’s now our cosmic mission to find it. This is the same kind of shitty logic used to justify things like spirit crystals or that your lucky number is 34 (but only on Tuesdays or during full moons).
Here’s the truth. We exist on this earth for some undetermined period of time. During that time we do things. Some of these things are important. Some of them are unimportant. And those important things give our lives meaning and happiness. The unimportant ones basically just kill time.
So when people say, “What should I do with my life?” or “What is my life purpose?” what they’re actually asking is: “What can I do with my time that is important?”
This is an infinitely better question to ask. It’s far more manageable and it doesn’t have all of the ridiculous baggage that the “life purpose” question does. There’s no reason for you to be contemplating the cosmic significance of your life while sitting on your couch all day eating Doritos. Rather, you should be getting off your ass and discovering what feels important to you.
One of the most common email questions I get is people asking me what they should do with their lives, what their “life purpose” is. This is an impossible question for me to answer. After all, for all I know, this person is really into knitting sweaters for kittens or filming gay bondage porn in their basement. I have no clue. Who am I to say what’s right or what’s important to them?
But after some research, I have put together a series of questions to help you figure out for yourself what is important to you and what can add more meaning to your life.
These questions are by no means exhaustive or definitive. In fact, they’re a little bit ridiculous. But I made them that way because discovering purpose in our lives should be something that’s fun and interesting, not a chore.
1. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE FLAVOR OF SHIT SANDWICH AND DOES IT COME WITH AN OLIVE?
Ah, yes. The all-important question. What flavor of shit sandwich would you like to eat? Because here’s the sticky little truth about life that they don’t tell you at high school pep rallies:
Everything sucks, some of the time.
Now, that probably sounds incredibly pessimistic of me. And you may be thinking, “Hey Mr. Manson, turn that frown upside down.” But I actually think this is a liberating idea.
Everything involves sacrifice. Everything includes some sort of cost. Nothing is pleasurable or uplifting all of the time. So the question becomes: what struggle or sacrifice are you willing to tolerate? Ultimately, what determines our ability to stick with something we care about is our ability to handle the rough patches and ride out the inevitable rotten days.
If you want to be a brilliant tech entrepreneur, but you can’t handle failure, then you’re not going to make it far. If you want to be a professional artist, but you aren’t willing to see your work rejected hundreds, if not thousands of times, then you’re done before you start. If you want to be a hotshot court lawyer, but can’t stand the 80-hour workweeks, then I’ve got bad news for you.
What unpleasant experiences are you able to handle? Are you able to stay up all night coding? Are you able to put off starting a family for 10 years? Are you able to have people laugh you off the stage over and over again until you get it right?
What shit sandwich do you want to eat? Because we all get served one eventually.
Might as well pick one with an olive.
2. WHAT IS TRUE ABOUT YOU TODAY THAT WOULD MAKE YOUR 8-YEAR-OLD SELF CRY?
When I was a child, I used to write stories. I used to sit in my room for hours by myself, writing away, about aliens, about superheroes, about great warriors, about my friends and family. Not because I wanted anyone to read it. Not because I wanted to impress my parents or teachers. But for the sheer joy of it.
And then, for some reason, I stopped. And I don’t remember why.
We all have a tendency to lose touch with what we loved as a child. Something about the social pressures of adolescence and professional pressures of young adulthood squeezes the passion out of us. We’re taught that the only reason to do something is if we’re somehow rewarded for it.
It wasn’t until I was in my mid-20s that I rediscovered how much I loved writing. And it wasn’t until I started my business that I remembered how much I enjoyed building websites — something I did in my early teens, just for fun.
The funny thing though, is that if my 8-year-old self had asked my 20-year-old self, “Why don’t you write anymore?” and I replied, “Because I’m not good at it,” or “Because nobody would read what I write,” or “Because you can’t make money doing that,” not only would I have been completely wrong, but that 8-year-old boy version of myself would have probably started crying.
3. WHAT MAKES YOU FORGET TO EAT AND POOP?
We’ve all had that experience where we get so wrapped up in something that minutes turn into hours and hours turn into “Holy crap, I forgot to have dinner.”
Supposedly, in his prime, Isaac Newton’s mother had to regularly come in and remind him to eat because he would go entire days so absorbed in his work that he would forget.
I used to be like that with video games. This probably wasn’t a good thing. In fact, for many years it was kind of a problem. I would sit and play video games instead of doing more important things like studying for an exam, or showering regularly, or speaking to other humans face-to-face.
It wasn’t until I gave up the games that I realized my passion wasn’t for the games themselves (although I do love them). My passion is for improvement, being good at something and then trying to get better. The games themselves — the graphics, the stories — they were cool, but I can easily live without them. It’s the competition — with others, but especially with myself — that I thrive on.
And when I applied that obsessiveness for improvement and self-competition to an internet business and to my writing, well, things took off in a big way.
Maybe for you, it’s something else. Maybe it’s organizing things efficiently, or getting lost in a fantasy world, or teaching somebody something, or solving technical problems. Whatever it is, don’t just look at the activities that keep you up all night, but look at the cognitive principles behind those activities that enthrall you. Because they can easily be applied elsewhere.
4. HOW CAN YOU BETTER EMBARRASS YOURSELF?
Before you are able to be good at something and do something important, you must first suck at something and have no clue what you’re doing. That’s pretty obvious. And in order to suck at something and have no clue what you’re doing, you must embarrass yourself in some shape or form, often repeatedly. And most people try to avoid embarrassing themselves, namely because it sucks.
Ergo, due to the transitive property of awesomeness, if you avoid anything that could potentially embarrass you, then you will never end up doing something that feels important.
Yes, it seems that once again, it all comes back to vulnerability.
Right now, there’s something you want to do, something you think about doing, something you fantasize about doing, yet you don’t do it. You have your reasons, no doubt. And you repeat these reasons to yourself ad infinitum.
But what are those reasons? Because I can tell you right now that if those reasons are based on what others would think, then you’re screwing yourself over big time.
If your reasons are something like, “I can’t start a business because spending time with my kids is more important to me,” or “Playing Starcraft all day would probably interfere with my music, and music is more important to me,” then OK. Sounds good.
But if your reasons are, “My parents would hate it,” or “My friends would make fun of me,” or “If I failed, I’d look like an idiot,” then chances are, you’re actually avoiding something you truly care about because caring about that thing is what scares the shit out of you, not what mom thinks or what Timmy next door says.
Living a life avoiding embarrassment is akin to living a life with your head in the sand.
Great things are, by their very nature, unique and unconventional. Therefore, to achieve them, we must go against the herd mentality. And to do that is scary.
Embrace embarrassment. Feeling foolish is part of the path to achieving something important, something meaningful. The more a major life decision scares you, chances are the more you need to be doing it.
5. HOW ARE YOU GOING TO SAVE THE WORLD?
In case you haven’t seen the news lately, the world has a few problems. And by “a few problems,” what I really mean is, “everything is fucked and we’re all going to die.”
I’ve harped on this before, and the research also bears it out, but to live a happy and healthy life, we must hold on to values that are greater than our own pleasure or satisfaction.1
So pick a problem and start saving the world. There are plenty to choose from. Our screwed up education systems, economic development, domestic violence, mental health care, governmental corruption. Hell, I just saw an article this morning on sex trafficking in the US and it got me all riled up and wishing I could do something. It also ruined my breakfast.
Find a problem you care about and start solving it. Obviously, you’re not going to fix the world’s problems by yourself. But you can contribute and make a difference. And that feeling of making a difference is ultimately what’s most important for your own happiness and fulfillment.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Gee Mark, I read all of this horrible stuff and I get all pissed off too, but that doesn’t translate to action, much less a new career path.”
Glad you asked…
6. GUN TO YOUR HEAD, IF YOU HAD TO LEAVE THE HOUSE ALL DAY, EVERY DAY, WHERE WOULD YOU GO AND WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
For many of us, the enemy is just old-fashioned complacency. We get into our routines. We distract ourselves. The couch is comfortable. The Doritos are cheesy. And nothing new happens.
This is a problem.
What most people don’t understand is that passion is the result of action, not the cause of it.2,3
Discovering what you’re passionate about in life and what matters to you is a full-contact sport, a trial-and-error process. None of us know exactly how we feel about an activity until we actually do the activity.
So ask yourself, if someone put a gun to your head and forced you to leave your house every day for everything except for sleep, how would you choose to occupy yourself? And no, you can’t just go sit in a coffee shop and browse Facebook. You probably already do that. Let’s pretend there are no useless websites, no video games, no TV. You have to be outside of the house all day every day until it’s time to go to bed — where would you go and what would you do?
Sign up for a dance class? Join a book club? Go get another degree? Invent a new form of irrigation system that can save the thousands of children’s lives in rural Africa? Learn to hang glide?
What would you do with all of that time?
If it strikes your fancy, write down a few answers and then, you know, go out and actually do them. Bonus points if it involves embarrassing yourself.
7. IF YOU KNEW YOU WERE GOING TO DIE ONE YEAR FROM TODAY, WHAT WOULD YOU DO AND HOW WOULD YOU WANT TO BE REMEMBERED?
Most of us don’t like thinking about death. It freaks us out. But thinking about our own death surprisingly has a lot of practical advantages. One of those advantages is that it forces us to zero in on what’s actually important in our lives and what’s just frivolous and distracting.
When I was in college, I used to walk around and ask people, “If you had a year to live, what would you do?” As you can imagine, I was a huge hit at parties. A lot of people gave vague and boring answers. A few drinks were nearly spit on me. But it did cause people to really think about their lives in a different way and re-evaluate what their priorities were.
This man’s headstone will read: “Here lies Greg. He watched every episode of ’24’… twice.”
What is your legacy going to be? What are the stories people are going to tell when you’re gone? What is your obituary going to say? Is there anything to say at all? If not, what would you like it to say? How can you start working towards that today?
And again, if you fantasize about your obituary saying a bunch of badass shit that impresses a bunch of random other people, then again, you’re failing here.
When people feel like they have no sense of direction, no purpose in their life, it’s because they don’t know what’s important to them, they don’t know what their values are.
And when you don’t know what your values are, then you’re essentially taking on other people’s values and living other people’s priorities instead of your own. This is a one-way ticket to unhealthy relationships and eventual misery.
Discovering one’s “purpose” in life essentially boils down to finding those one or two things that are bigger than yourself, and bigger than those around you. And to find them you must get off your couch and act, and take the time to think beyond yourself, to think greater than yourself, and paradoxically, to imagine a world without yourself.
I discovered this year that I'm type O blood! It was weird to think all your life that I'm A+ like my mother than I discovered that I'm O+ like my father. So proud! And I always felt a special bond with him.
This Is The Real Reason Why People With Type O Blood Are So Unique
People with Type O blood are at a disadvantage health-wise. They're prone to ulcers, thyroid issues, low hormone levels, and iodine deficiency. Type O people are more likely to retain water, be obese, and have unwanted tumors. But still, Type O people are very important. Why?
Because people with this blood type play an important role in our society. They have leadership energy, they tend to stay focused, and have some of the best qualities.
When stressed out, they become angry, impulsive, and hyperactive. Poor diet and lack of exercise makes them prone to additional health problems.
The Japanesehave long known that this blood type is special. They even sometimes ask if you have type O blood in job interviews! They're some of the most responsible, committed, organized, and focused people. They are believed to be more logical and that their ancestors were probably hunters.
One of the coolest things about people with type O negative blood? They can donate their red blood cells to anyone. Type AB is a universal match for plasma. Have you ever donated blood? It's an important, helpful thing you can do. You may even save someone's life! Find where here.
Stel: je werkt al jaren in de zorgsector, maar je wilt de overstap maken naar de verkoop. Of je werkt als verkoper, maar je wilt je kans wagen in de IT-sector. Voor jou is dat logisch, maar voor een potentiële werkgever kan het vreemd overkomen. Hier zijn 5 tips om je carrièreswitch te verkopen.
1. Waarom past je carrièreswitch in je ontwikkeling?
Wat is je motivatie om een nieuwe richting in te slaan? Is het voor je persoonlijke ontwikkeling? Of ben je op zoek naar een ander perspectief? Kies je voor een nieuwe job uit enthousiasme of wil je vooral af van de negatieve effecten van je huidige job? Maak duidelijk dat je hebt nagedacht over je keuze en dat je er helemaal voor gaat.
2. Speel relevante werkervaring uit
Bekijk hoe je je werkervaring kunt vertalen naar relevante werkervaring voor je nieuwe functie. Bijvoorbeeld: hoe kun je het zorgen voor mensen gebruiken in een job als verkoper? Heb je aspecten van je nieuwe job in je vorige job eigenlijk altijd al toegepast? Pas als je zelf weet wat je met jouw achtergrond te bieden hebt in je nieuwe functie, kun je er anderen van overtuigen.
3.Verbind je switch met een jeugdliefde of ‘roeping'
Is IT eigenlijk altijd je passie geweest? Heb je door omstandigheden geen studie in die richting kunnen volgen? Heb je al die jaren dat je als verkoper werkte de ontwikkelingen in IT gevolgd? Ben je in de zorgsector beland, maar is het altijd je ware roeping geweest om les te geven? Dit zijn duidelijke en begrijpelijke motivaties voor een carrièreswitch.
4. Pas je CV aan
Komt je werkervaring weinig overtuigend over voor de carrièreswitch die je wilt maken? Focus in je CV dan op je competenties. Stel je in de plaats van de rekruteerder: welke elementen zal hij belangrijk vinden voor de job die jij wilt? Breng eventueel gevolgde opleidingen die relevant zijn voor je nieuwe job extra onder de aandacht.
5. Wees niet negatief over je vorige job
Verander je van sector omdat je bent uitgekeken op de sector waarin je tot nu gewerkt hebt? Of omdat je niet kon opschieten met je collega’s of je baas? Onderdruk de neiging om uit te leggen waarom je vorige job niet interessant was, of waarom je met je vorige werkgever niet overweg kon. Dat komt zeurderig en negatief over.
Wanneer is het moment gekomen om van job te veranderen?
Vroeger bleven mensen hun hele leven trouw aan één bedrijf. Vandaag veranderen werknemers gemiddeld een paar keer in hun carrière van werkgever. Maar wanneer is het geschikte moment – of is het zelfs hoog tijd – om op te stappen?
Die promotie gaat (alweer) aan jou voorbij
Je hebt hard gewerkt aan een project, veel onbetaalde overuren geklopt en vaak je lunchpauze opgeofferd om door te werken. Maar uiteindelijk ging die promotie toch naar een collega. Dat kan het signaal zijn dat je werk niet naar waarde wordt geschat.
Je krijgt minder verantwoordelijkheden
Vroeger werd je uitgenodigd voor iedere belangrijke vergadering en had je je zegje bij bepaalde beslissingen. Maar de laatste tijd worden je verantwoordelijkheden ingeperkt en moet je plots verslag uitbrengen over je werk bij een collega. In het slechtste geval word je zelfs opgescheept met banale klusjes. Je hebt het gevoel niet meer au sérieux genomen te worden.
Je bent een outsider (geworden)
Samen met je collega’s optrekken buiten de werkuren kan erg goed zijn voor de teamgeest. Maar als je niet (meer) uitgenodigd wordt om mee te gaan lunchen in de stad of voor die afterworkparty, is dat een teken aan de wand. Misschien lig je niet (meer) zo goed in de groep. Stel je de vraag hoe dat komt en of je wel wilt blijven samenwerken met mensen die jou niet aardig vinden.
Je neemt altijd werk mee naar huis
Het is vandaag niet evident meer om een strikte scheiding te maken tussen je werk en privéleven. Maar het is géén goed idee om elke dag je werk mee naar huis te nemen. Want dan geraak je op langere termijn overwerkt en zal je minder goed presteren omdat je mentaal onvoldoende ontspanning nam.
Er is geen communicatie meer
Als je nog maar pas in een bedrijf werkt, zal je directe chef makkelijker iets door de vingers zien en je een complimentje geven als je iets tot een goed einde brengt. Maar als je lang voor dezelfde firma werkt, gaat men het soms te vanzelfsprekend vinden wat je doet. Een gebrek aan communicatie met je leidinggevende kan erop wijzen dat men jou niet belangrijk genoeg vindt om aandacht aan te schenken. Probeer uit te vissen hoe dat komt.
Het klikt niet (meer) met je baas
Je leidinggevende heeft voortdurend kritiek op jou en je krijgt onduidelijke instructies of onrealistische opdrachten. Inefficiënt management kan het iemand bijzonder moeilijk maken op de werkvloer. Probeer het probleem aan te kaarten met je baas. Als hij/zij daar niet voor openstaat, weet je wat je te doen staat.
Je evaluatiescore vermindert
Je doet je werk nog exact op dezelfde manier zoals voorheen maar toch merk je dat de excellente scores die je vroeger behaalde bij je evaluatie, nu herleid worden tot ‘goed’ of ‘oké’. Misschien zit je een beetje vastgeroest in een bepaald stramien en doe je je job routineus. Dat kan op termijn schadelijk zijn voor je carrière. Bekijk of er binnen het bedrijf nog nieuwe uitdagingen en groeikansen voor jou zijn.
Je vindt je werk niet leuk meer
Je sleept je elke dag met tegenzin naar je werk en telt de uren af tot je weer naar huis kunt. Je begint collega’s en/of klanten af te blaffen en maakt professionele fouten. Dan is het duidelijk tijd voor wat anders. Tenslotte brengt een mens een groot deel van zijn leven door op de werkvloer, dus is het echt belangrijk dat je iets doet wat je graag doet.
"Danas" je u našoj vlasti, a "sutra" je u Božijoj ruci. Niko od nas nije siguran da će mu sutrašnji dan biti darovan. Neka nas na revnosno pokajanje i na ispovest bez odlaganja pobuđuje i činjenica da "bez pokajanja nema spasenja", kao i to da "posle smrti pokajanja nema". Gospod u čemu zatekne, u tome će nam suditi, veli Sveto Pismo. Ipak, za same početnike, evo par praktičnih saveta:
1. Pre same ispovesti treba se potruditi da se setimo svih svojih grehova, ispitavši pažljivo svoj prošli život od najranijeg detinjstva. 2. Ispovedaj grehe svoje otvoreno, podrobno, bez stida i samoopravdanja, znajući da ih govoriš ne čoveku, no Samome Bogu. 3. Ne mešaj u ispovest druga lica, ne žali se ni na koga, i ne staraj se da pravdaš sebe za učinjene grehe. 4. Bez pitanja duhovnog oca (=sveštenika), ne govori ono u čemu nisi grešan, ili što nisi radio, da ne bi bio sličan Evanđelskom fariseju. 5. Treba se ispovedati sa tugom i skrušenim srcem zbog grehova kojima smo uvredili i ražalostili Boga. I najzad, 6. Ispovedaj grehe svoje s verom u Isusa Hrista i s nadom na njegovo milosrđe. Jer samo ako verujemo u Isusa Hrista i nadamo se na Njega, mi možemo dobiti oproštaj grehova svojih. "Ako ispovedamo grehe naše, on će nam, kao veran i pravedan, oprostiti grehe naše i očistiti nas od svake nepravde" (I Jn. 1, 9).
One of the keys to a successful to a long-term relationship is to stay fascinated in the mystique of the other. This means remaining curious about their inner dialogue and hidden feelings, fears, and thoughts
A wonderful way of tending to this part of your connection is to talk about these things. Too often we are wrapped up in the administration of the day-to-day in a relationship that we forget what made the bond strong enough to cohabit in the first place.
According to relationship experts, these are some thought-provoking questions that can rekindle the flames of these types of discussions:
How was your day today?
Such simplicity can often be forgotten in the chaos of life.
“This allows people to share specifics and stay connected on a day-to-day basis,” said Mudita Rastogi, Ph.D, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Arlington Heights, Ill.
What do you need from me right now?
When your partner is having a difficult day, ask this. “It allows the asking partner to tailor their help to what is needed,” Rastogi said.
What are you looking forward to today, this week and this month?
“This helps you tune in to what your partner enjoys,” Rastogi said. “Plus, it balances out the more serious and potentially negative topics.”
What would you do in life if money weren’t an issue?
“This helps [couples] connect around long-term wishes, dreams and plans,” Rastogi said.
What would be your last wishes if you were incapacitated and unable to make health care decisions?
No doubt this is a difficult question to bring up. But, as Rastogi notes, it’s a critical one.
What are the ways you most experience or feel love from me or from what I do?
“It is important to check in regularly to see if what you are doing and saying is positively feeding the relationship,” said Erik R. Benson, MSW, LCSW, a private therapist in the Chicago and North Suburbs area.
He suggested asking these two additional questions:
Am I being a good spouse to you?
What are three things that I do that you couldn’t live without?
The following two questions are from Benson’s wife, who utilized them to assist herself in getting to know him:
Describe the perfect you day (or if you could do anything you wanted for a day, what would it be?)
This is another question Benson’s wife has asked him. “Such information helps her plan activities, dates and gifts,” he said.
If I spent a typical day in your shoes, describe what I would experience.
Benson suggested asking the above question.
Empathy is key for healthy relationships, and such questions help partners gain a deeper understanding into each other’s experiences.
How do I express my anger and conflict?
This is part of a ask-response, where each partner shares.
Beverly Hills clinical psychologist Fran Walfish, PhD, says that the number one determining factor for a healthy, lasting relationship is managing conflict effectively. The practice above helps us to listen without interrupting, improve our willingness to discuss issues, and to better tolerate differences.
If I could change one thing about myself I would change _____.
“This gives you a window into something the person feels insecure about,” Walfish said. It’s also an opportunity for empathy and compassion for the other.
If you could have three wishes, what would you wish for?
“This is another question that reveals your partner’s fantasies and even their personal character,” Walfish said.
What is your greatest fear?
“You can support your partner by not pressuring when approaching the scary territory,” Walfish said.
You also can ask how to help your partner become more comfortable, she said.
“You want to be your partner’s safe harbor to come to for safety, soothing and healing.”
What is the best thing that has ever happened to you?
“This one leaves the conversation on a positive note,” Walfish said. “Each one of you gets to think about happy, wonderful influences in your lives.”
What unpleasant experiences are you able to handle? Are you able to stay up all night coding? Are you able to put off starting a family for 10 years? Are you able to have people laugh you off the stage over and over again until you get it right?
