25 February 2017
I can't believe I haven't wrote from 24 February 2016. And the funny part we're expecting our baby 25 February 2017.
I had a lot of moments I have to write my blog, but I'm in really weird mood swings so I didn't want to bother you with them. Because expecting a baby people expect you to walk on clouds. I did even expected It form people. Like why are they acting like that, that is the best thing happening to them! I'm not going to be like that. And then you start feeling the changes in your life. Not only in your life, but in your body, mind and soul.
Nursing internship april 2016
As I see I wrote that nursing school was a failure in january, wel thank God everything went great after that. My internship was great! It was a very difficult department: psychogeriatrics. But it was a big challenge, and I learned so much as a nurse and as a human being. You should really enjoy life with the people you love, because when you get old, you can forget everything or people can forget you when they get old. That really hurts some people. So Carpe diem, because you never know what tomorrow brings...
Norway May 2016
We really enjoyed it! Oslo and Frederikstad. You should go there for the nature. Only alcohol is really expensive, the other stuff you can really find for OK prices. People look there very relaxed 😊! Everything goes very relaxed, not such a hurry as in other cities.
Exams June 2016
My exams in June were great, I passed them all! So I was really happy about it!
I had 2 examens to do in august. So that was OKAY!
Very tired= PREGNANT 25 June 2016!
After the exams I felt so tired! I thought it was because of the very busy, difficult year! Buying a house, losing some hours of work (I found extra hours in april 2016 so It was okay again!), the internship, the exams, very exhausting things and work. Marko and I decided end of January 2016 to try for kids. After two sessions of mindfulness/act the mentor said how she was doubting to have kids and now has three.
And I felt it what she was feeling.
In the course were especially women, and you had women with careers and without kids/partner, so busy with their career that they forgot their private life. And then there were women with careers and kids, it wasn't easy, but they looked happier. Exhausted but happy/fulfilling.
Because I read online: people who care for someone (child, partner, parents...) have a more fulfilling life than people who are alone, because they are just satisfying their needs. The latter are happier but they have to fulfill their needs all the time to stay happy. People who have to care for others are not always happy, because they don't have time to fulfill al their needs, but they have more reasons to live for. Because sometimes I know that I said what is the meaning of life? And yes you can go see the whole world, and buy all the stuff, but once you done it, it is over. But then I realized the time I spent with my sisters, husband, parents is everything to me, those memories are worth more than anything!
I love to travel, but it is more beautiful with those people by my side.
So back to the why did I decide to get pregnant?
Well I always wanted to have children, but never to be pregnant, impossible of course, only if you adopt, but to adopt is not that easy! You almost have to be rich to adopt! But I also was curious how will my baby with Marko look like?
And then my OB told me I had a cyst on the ovary in May 2015, in September 2015 it was still there. She said if it grows or doesn't go away, we will have to remove it, and maybe remove an ovary! I was like WHAAAT, cry cry, I will never have kids, omg! Why did I wait so long? PANIC of course!! But it could also go away on its own... Then I was like no don't panic, and we start buying our house, no time to think about it. And about December 26 2015 we moved in the house, and I was like, wow so much space, so much rooms, it is empty? O but first I will have to finish nursing school... Then I started the mindfulness course..Why wait? I was 27, you don't get pregnant immediately and my father who works in the medical sector told me If you get pregnant the cyst will surely disappear. Did my father wanted to become a grandfather or was he for real? And than Marko said, I fulfilled all your wishes, because we are already 4 years married and 5 years together almost 6. And he wanted already for a while to become a father.
But when we first got married and he came to Belgium with me in september 2012 I told him we'll have children when:
1)You have learned Dutch well, because I can't stand that children have to translate for their parents. My parents went to school to learn Dutch. I don't have the time, to be a mom, a wife and your translator.
2) You find work.
3)We buy a home
1)And then of course in january 2016, what know? I fulfilled all your wishes. He went four years 2 evenings a week to Dutch school for foreign language speakers. He earned his diploma's. One course is left and with that course he could do a bachelor. But he was tired, what I can believe. He works 40 hours a week, and goes 6hours a week to language course. He almost missed none, only if he got sick, for the renovations some days, and when his family came to visit. He always went! I'm so proud of him. Now he speaks, like he is his whole life here. Some friends of my parents are here like we 24 years, and can't speak, and he is here 4 years and everybody is so surprised when he speaks. They gave him applauses several times!
2) He already has two years a permanent employment contract, I still don't have that, but working in the education sector as a religion teacher is very hard to get a permanent contract. So very proud of him!
3) We bought our home!
Than I panicked as I always do, what now?
The cyst, he fulfilled my wishes, what about nursing school?
I also always wanted to become a mom before 30.
The bucket list!
When I was 14 years old I wrote a diary, I wrote longtime diaries, but then it was serious 😂! I loved to daydream then! Then I made my bucket list!
I wanted to finish university.
I wanted to learn Cyrillic.
I wanted to get a driver license.
I wanted to travel a lot.
I wanted to go live for a year in Belgrado or longer.
I wanted there to meet the man of my dreams.
At 24-25 I wanted to get married with that man.
We should have to live first together and then get married (that didn't really went as planned, but we were 1,5 years together before we got married).
We should be about 5 years together before we got married and have children, the married part went faster, the having children went as planned!
So at 28-29 I should become a mom.
Of course when I met Marko I asked if he wanted to have children hehe!
Of course he did.
And then when I was 27, I was like, I don't know am I ready?
I really know when I finished my university degree I was not. Something was missing, that was the medical knowledge! So I finished all the theory and two internships. I really wanted to take blood, so I did. I still have to do 32 weeks of internship, but that is as working. So I was like okay, the things I wanted to learn about medicine I did, and I took some blood 😜, and some people don't get pregnant in months/years. So maybe I will not immediately.
And then the adventure began, first I was disappointed that it didn't went that fast, because I was always scared to get pregnant. I was more disappointed because everywhere you learn, hear and read to have safe sex, you will get pregnant, but It isn't that easy. But still you should have safe sex! I was like, when you don't want it, it happens, when you want it, it doesn't, because a lot of couples have problems. But I think it is also the expectation, and big stress they put on their selfs. I was okay with it if it came immediately or if it came after I finished my nursing internship
It went fast enough, after two/three months I was pregnant, that is fast, normally it takes 6 until 12 months.
25 June 2016
So 25 June 2016 we decided to take the pregnancy test. Because I was late with my period 3 day's (actually six, because when I stopped with the contraception pills I had my period every 30 day's and not 28 as I was used to, so the first month I took a test, but it was false alarm, now we were also like should we take the test or not, but something felt different and my boobs hurt and I was so tired.) It says your first pee in the morning should be the one you test on. Of course the people who know me I pee a lot 😜. I had an infection when I was about 18 years old, never knew it. Than my blather shrunk because of it. So I had to train it. Also had some medication, it was fixed, but still my mind thinks it has to pee all the time. So at 3 in the morning, I was like, first pee? Marko was like noo, sleep..I was like I'm doing it, so come with me or wait in bed. He was like okay! So we went to the toilet, I peed in a cup, because I would guarantee pee on my hand. I'm not so handy. And then put the test in the cup, and it normally takes 3 minutes. Marko thought Okay I'll have a pee to, but I didn't notice that I was just watching the test. And when I did the test first time in february we waited long for nothing. Now it was just few seconds and there it was positive, I'AM PREGNANT! Markooo, I was like he? He was their peeing, congratulations honey. What a weird situation haha! I was like heuh I didn't see you were peeing haha! So very romantic.
And Marko fell a sleep, and I was like, OH MY GOD I really decided to get pregnant, fat, dependent and to raise a child? But I don't know what I want with my life? I have no permanent job contract, our house is not renovated yet, why do I always have to be so impulsive? How will we pay, raise this child? PANIC PANIC PANIC,.. and then Omg what is the baby going to look like, O I will travel with the baby, and Marko NOTHING haha, he fell a sleep, I didn't sleep that night!
The next day
The next day we had planned a bbq with friends we didn't see a while and to celebrate the good exams. We decided to tell nobody, because I wanted the doctor to take blood, to be sure, because it was a cheap test. The previous time we bought a expensive and a cheap one, both negative, I didn't want to "throw" any money away again. But Marko was so happy, because when I asked him over and over, what he dreamed of when he was little? He said "to become a father and have a family." Not the usual to travel, or to have that or that job, no just the perfect thing ever become a father, husband! That is why I love him. He is happy with the things we call little, but are the big things.
A fancy job, house, car, travel, .. is not the big thing, raising kids and taking care for a family is!!
I knew I could depend on him!
So that day I was totally not their with my mind. I went to the hairdresser, I had a appointment, she cut to much hair of, I wanted to be long, for the pregnancy pictures also, but I was so distracted, but everybody liked it. I wasn't drinking cola zero, wine (bambus the mix my favorite) or rakija, or alcohol, I was just drinking water, saying I had a head ache and drunk something for pain, but I did had a headache because I didn't sleep.
Marko was getting drunk and singing, everybody was like, wow never seen him as that, but I just was like, he missed his friends, but I knew why. I was jealous, because longer than a year I will not be aloud to drink 😔, not that I'm a alcoholic, but when people say to me you can't have that, do that, I just want it more, you know! But I had a baby to think of, and I wanted a smart baby and alcohol can damage the brains, and my brains are okay, but of Marko hehe just joking. So NO ALCOHOL..NO COLA caffeine is not good. The first weeks I ate very healthy! So we survived the bbq nobody noticed anything. Marko was playing with the children of friends. They were like he is going to be a good father, I was like I know and that will be sooner than you think!
The first trimester
So I went to the doctor, he confirmed I was pregnant. I made an appointment at the OB. It was very late, in august somewhere. After our vacation I think.
Than we decided the next weekend to tell the family, his family over skype, my family we invited for a bbq. But it wasn't that easy do to it at ones, so who we are going to tell first?
Their was already the first problem hehe, my family, no my family, ok we had to tell first his family, because his sisters were visiting his mother, they don't live anymore with her but in a city next to Belgrado. So we thought everybody's coming on skype. But the younger sister and brother were out with friends. The mother was feeding the sheep and cow. Only the older sister was on skype. So we talked about everything, except the pregnancy. I was whispering, what now? He was like wait for my mother. The rest will hear it from them. I was like okay hehe! Then the mother came, we told them. She was crying of course. The sister said, you see mother you're going to be a grandmother after all, from the day we married she was hoping and hoping. She has blood pressure problems, but is taking her medication. The doctor said to her, you're not going to die yet, you first have to be a grandmother, but she was like, my children aren't having any hehe, but now we do.
Than my parents, they are special too. My sisters decided last minute to go shopping, my parents came early, but I was like waiting for the whole family. My mother is a good person, but with a hard past and a lot of times she can burst in anger for stupid reasons, because she is always trying to do good, but you don't always are appreciated for it. So stop expecting that, just do good because you want too, not because you expect something.
And Marko was sick of it, because they always want to "help" us but they mean that we have to do things as they want to, and if we don't want to, they get mad. Because I say thank you for your advise as I learned at act, but we're going to do it that way, and then they are, yes if you think that is smart, but you're stupid.. parents! So that was that moment, and Marko didn't held back, so my mother said I'm going home, and my father said me too, and they left, and I was like woow what happened? OO WINE WHERE ARE YOU! And I said to Marko couldn't you just keep your mouth, but it was my parents fault, but you can't change them, accept them or don't. They are good people, but you know different backgrounds, different generation. So that plan went wrong to. My sisters weren't aloud to come. I had a surprise note for them with a picture super grandmother and grandfather, best aunties..
I was like okay... So I send a SMS message to my sister, well too bad this went like this, but surprise you're going to be aunties and grandparents. I hated that I had to do it by text, but hey whatever..Than my sister didn't answer, apparently she was crying because she was so happy, and my father panicked, and than he just acted cool..
My sisters sneaked to us, and were so happy.
Few day's later I saw my parents.
Afterwards my father was like don't call me father anymore, call me grandfather, I was like okay hehe!
But then again saying something about Marko, and I WAS TIRED AND PREGNANT.
And I had to stop being daddy's little girl. It was so hard for me to let go. Because you are so used to to do what your parents say, they have the experience, they know.
And I already said, I did things my way, but still I listened sometimes to my parents.
But now it had to stop!
I was becoming a mom, Marko is the father of my child.
I said father enough, if you have a problem with Marko, go tell him. I'm not listening anymore, I'm a mother to be, he's the father, I love him, I don't have the problems with him you two have. If you don't like him that is your problem. I'm not his mother, I can't fix him, I can't fix you, I love you both, but I'm not going to chose or take a party. I talk with my husband and we sort our problems, you should do the same with him, or not, but stop talking about him to me.
And I left!
My mother loves to talk about her problems too, same old problems over and over.
I was tired tired, so I said to them, tell nice things, or I'm just not coming anymore.
I want to be a happy pregnant lady.
So I took some distance, and they listened.
Bleeding
It was summer. So one moment I had a bleeding. I was like O no, we're losing the baby. I was so scared, because if we lost the baby, I can't do this. So I called Marko he came from work we went to the OB, the baby = ninja turtle I called it, was okay, it was so small and weird, not looking human at all! We saw our baby! But If I bleed again I can come. So I bleed again and went with a friend and her daughter 7 years old again, I didn't want to traumatize the child, so she stood next to me, when they putted the thing inside, (echo) because the baby was too small for on the belly. We heard the heart beat the first time so nice! O the girl was also, I'm going to tell Marko I heard it first. So the bleeding was just the baby and placenta and uterus making place and hitting some little veins. Nothing to worry about, but still. I was tired a lot. The OB told of course you can eat chocolate, because I wasn't eating chocolate. There were restricitions what to eat and what not. But chocolate was okay, and until know I'm addicted. No cola zero, no alcohol, but I need an alternative addiction hehe!
Vacation
We went on vacation. O I was so tired and without cafeïne it was hard to drive. The trip to Croatia, I did it without the cafeïne, the trip back I drank cold cappuccino, so nice hehe! Than I drove 4 hours continuously.
Our stops:
a small town not for from Münchin ( to rest, so nice hotel)
Fazana ( Croatia): we stayed with my parents at my grandparents house, it was really nice! It was a challenge for me, because it has been a while since we stayed with my parents, but it worked! We had our own key, so nice! Swimming in the sea felt nice, but because of the pregnancy I had to pee a lot, and had to change bikini's all the time, because I had a special one, because my breasts were immediateli huge! (I will post pictures another time hehe). Our friends from Slovenia came we had a great time...
Belgrade ( Serbia) my birth city (hot hot hot there), we stayed at Marko's sisters, ..but it was too hot there for everyone! And a lot of mosquitos..My friends from Slovenia who we saw in Croatia were also there, was so nice to hang out with them..
My cravings started there, so I ate every night about 3 at the morning, and I ate so much pancakes haha! But I couldn't eat big meals, but I ate very two hours something!
In the restaurants people thought I didn't like the food, but then I said sorry I'm pregnant and they were like O no problem we will wrap it to go 😂! Eventually I started ordering child menu hehe!
Sabac (Serbia) We visited my mothers niece and aunt, I hadn't seen them in 8 years or so, I can't believe it, I went so many times to Belgrado and it is an hour drive from them, and we never went there, we hadn't time, or they hadn't time, because the aunt is very old, live 85 years, so..but it was really nice, they were so happy to see us! You should make time for family, but it is not that easy when they live so far!
Rudo (Bosnia, close to the border with Serbia), Marko's birth city..There I enjoyed it the most, because it was so serene, the nature, in the evenings it was cold enough to sleep..
It was nice, my mother in law spoiled me hehe! I enjoyed it!
I forgot to mention the worst ride ever from Sabac to Rudo a lot of road curves, hey that is Bosnia's nature, pretty but for a pregnant lady, even not pregnant people get car sick, I tried to drive myself that didn't help, the only that helped, was eating to whole 6hours hahaha no wonder I got fat 😂 !! How much I ate! Arriving was nice, because the brother and the whole neighbourhoud was so happy and waiting for us, and there was a bbq but also because it was the birthday of the brother, but I had some bleedings, it was probably because ot the drive and heat, I was like NO WAY I'm going to the hospital here haha FOBIA..The doctors are good, but the hospitals are from the communist period, scary like horor movies, you find blood on the toilets, more about this in an other post! BUT WE SURVIVED AND HAD A NICE TIME hehe!
Trebinje (Bosnia, close to the border with Croatia) I loved Trebinje, such a beautiful city, I recommend it al!! A good friend of my moms who lives in Belgium but is from Dubrovnik has a apartment there and we were welcome to stay there, was so nice! I loved it! Such a romantic city with a nice history! My father says the most beautiful city in Bosnia! It was really hot in Dalmatia, but Trebinje is nice..But it is the south so I think april, may or september is better for sightseeing..we saw a beautiful church, monastery, o so nice! We will go back!
Dubrovnik (Croatia, the sea coast, Dalmatia)because of the heat and my pregnancy we didn't get the chance to see the old city regrettably , because it was long walking, and it was almost 40 degrees, so too hot for me, and I was in the first trimester, so feeling mononucleosis tired! But we will go back for sure! Because the game of thrones are filmed there and I love that show hehe! So we went swimming, the water was so nice, we enjoyed it! It has been 10 days from Fazana, so swimming again on the way home was nice!
Baska voda (Croatia, the sea Coast, Dalmatia): Then we went to friends who also live in Belgium but his parents have apartments there, so who's interested can rent there...we went for one night to visit.. it is really nice, but also so much hotter than in Fazana, Fazana has more shadow and is also in the north of Croatia (Istra) , Dalmatia is really south! You can swim there in june and september, so for the people who like their temperatures a bit lower! We swam the next day and had it really nice! So nice people!
Mikulov ( Czech republic) we were invited to a wedding their of my friend who studies with me in Ghent. She was also at my wedding, so we couldn't miss that! It was so beautiful and the hotel was 4 stars, after a drive of 11 hours we really enjoyed it! Because we're the type of people who don't travel longer dan 8 hours, we don't like the drive the whole time, we drive 8 hours or 900km max, and then overnight somewhere nice..we're not in a hurry, it is a vacation after all. My parents always drive the whole time, and then you need 3 day's to get rested... So we enjoyed it! On that drive I had my first hamburger in McDonalds haha, and cola zero, but didn't like the cola zero, then I bought the cold cappuccino, because Marko wasn't used to driving so much, we always split it in have ways, but now he was driving more, because I was so tired of the pregnancy! But that was just because I was also avoiding cafeïne! But you need it than, Marko was also on redbull hehe! We survived and drove through Vienna, we can't wait tot visit that city too!! So much to see, so short vacations, but because we go every year to the same places because of our friends and family we always try one new place! In 2016 we visited more new places: Berlin, Oslo, Frederikstad, Trebinje, Dubrovnik, Baska voda, Mikulov..and some other little places on the way..
Slany (Czech republic, not far from Prague) Than we went to my nephew and aunt who live in Czech republic, his wife was pregnant of their third child, she gave birth 9 januari 2016, a girl, three girls he has, so nice, like my two sisters and I! I'm so happy! Our little boy will have a playmate when we go there hehe!
Home! (Antwerp, Belgium) After three weeks of travelling we came home hehe !
We haven't been anywhere because of the renovations and preparing for the baby..we went few times to the Netherlands..
But the other years we also didn't travel this period..
We always travel in Februari, May and the summer, so nothing really changed hehe!
We wanted to go on a citytrip in the winter vacation but because of my pelvic instability we didn't risk it and also our new living room was ready so that was already vacation feeling, and just going on trips in your residence is also nice, a walk to the park, that is also fun fun, as long as you're together with the people you love!!
